A Few Jokes.....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Brush_Dust_Shake, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. Here are a few examples of well-sick humour which have entertained me recently, & which I'd like to share with all you NAAFI-watchers, who I know to be connoisseurs of such material.........

    A man takes his 13yo daughter to the GP for a pregnancy test. The doctor examines her, then turns to the father & asks, "Is she sexually active?"
    To which the father replies, "No, she just lies there, just like her mother".

    Fresh from her recent triumph in the UK National Hide & Seek Championships, the new champion Shannon Matthews yesterday announced that she would next like to challenge the European Champion, Madeleine McCann, for her title......

    As part of his judgement in the Mills-McCartney divorce case, the judge yesterday directed Sir Paul McCartney to buy Miss Mills a plane (& a razor for her other leg.....)

    I thank you! :wink:
     
  2. A man with a bald head and a wooden leg is invited to a Xmas fancy dress party, He doesn't know what to wear to hide his head and his wooden leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain his
    problem.

    A few days later he receives a parcel with a note:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a Pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will
    cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right
    as a Pirate.

    The man is offended that the outfit emphasizes his disability, so he
    writes a letter of complaint.

    A week passes and he receives another parcel and note:

    Dear Sir,
    Sorry about the previous parcel. Please find enclosed a monk's habit.
    The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you
    will really look the part.

    The man is really incandescent with rage now, because the company has
    gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to drawing attention to his bald
    head. So he writes a really strong letter of complaint.

    A few days later he gets a very small parcel from the company with the
    accompanying letter:

    Dear Sir,
    Please find enclosed a tin of Golden Syrup.
    We suggest you pour the tin of Golden Syrup over your bald head, stick
    your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
     
  3. Two Yorkshire men are staggering home from the pub through the graveyard, one of them notices a tombstone

    "Look at this Arkwright 'I am thin'"

    "Nay lad" Says Arkwright "The E must be missing"

    "So it should read'EE Lord I am thin'"
     
  4. Four German dwarfs went to Amsterdam's red light district and hired the services of a six foot tall prostitute.

    They went back to their hotel room,stripped off,tied springs to their feet and gave her the best sh*g she'd ever had.

    It's what's known in the business as THE FOUR SPRUNG DWARF TECHNIQUE
     
  5. What activity do 9 out of 10 participants enjoy?







    Gang rape
     
  6. Think you're having a bad day?
    Imagine this, you're a siamese twin joined at the hip.
    Your brother is bent, you're not, his boyfriend is coming round tonight.


    And you've only got one arrsehole.
     
  7. whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?









    getting raped
     
  8. MFI have announced that sales of the new Shannon divan have increased prior to the school holidays, after it was pointed out to parents that it kept kids quiet for up to 4 weeks.
     
  9. Michael Jackson has paid the 6 million pound debt on his neverland ranch.
    Apparently he called in some close friends to help him out.


    Imagine how many extra paper rounds the poor barstewards had to do to get the money together.
     
  10. What's the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?





    Sexy kids.
     
  11. Mong goes to the ice cream van, "nice scream"
    the vendor asks what flavour.
    The mongs carer says "don't fcuking matter, he's gonna fcuking drop it anyway".