A Festive surprise.

Its my nippers Birthday on 3rd December, which is a p1sser for her so close to Christmas but over previous years if yeilded superb excuses to be a cnut.

I have a blind Auntie, 96 years old and mad as a fish, each year she treats her six year old relative to a box of Rovers biscuits. I take them to work and dish them out, keeping the tin.

Over the past couple or three years I've used the empty tin as a means of delivery for some pretty horrible parcels. Two years ago, Chubb got a tin full of Labrador shit, and the year before a brickie mate of mine got the pants I'b badly shat on the way home three days before Chrimbo.

So........ What goes in this years tub? I noticed a dead cat, badly run over at the side of the road on the school run this morning, thats what started me thinking.

Suggestions for both parcel and recipient. Politicians or dull suggestions will be met by an imaginary 24v 100ahc battery being thrown in your face.


Book Reviewer
Send the squashed and decomposing cat to Whet. It'll be nice for him to see something more useless than him. It might even boost his morale!
In an ideal world I'd be able to send a sleep inducing right hander camouflaged in a box of Roses to the fuckstick who has had a field day with my card details.

Ive never even been to Italy.


Book Reviewer
Pick a female recipient, then send them a ppolaroid of themselves which you have covered in your man fat.
I wondered where the wife got that!
Fill it with old, obsolete gongs and campaign bottle tops. Then send it to one of the number of throbbers on ARRSE who are always banging on about getting another medal because they sat in a sangar in Whitley Bay for 20 mins in 1972. Imagine their little faces as they festoon themselves like Xmas trees then sit waiting for the next parade so they can march AND jingle.
Or get your local plod rugby team to work filling it to the brim with man fat. Label it "Face Cream" and send it to Western.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Pour the contents of a tin of Swedish fermented herring into it, seal it and send it to the Editor of the Sun - you know the paper that supports our boys.

Did I upset JR3? Oh well if you can't take a joke...
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