A dilemma

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by steinlagerXV, Aug 8, 2013.


What would you do?

Poll closed Aug 10, 2013.
  1. Walk along the corridor?

    3 vote(s)
  2. Walk up the stairs?

    1 vote(s)

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  1. No, I haven't searched for a similar thread so if it has already been done bin it.

    The situation was that on returning from a long lunch yesterday, I had an issue with a turtle's head and made use of the building's toilets on my floor at my end of the corridor. Alas when it came to polishing the nipsy, there was not a single piece of nipsy polishing paper to do so with in this particular set of toilets!
    Fortunately I had some left over wet-wipes in my pocket to do the business but had I been with out what should I have done?
    Should I have walked to the other end of the building with some other toilets, some greater distance than walking up the two floors to the next bogs? Both options could result in significant smearing like I had been using Azal toilet paper!
    What would you do!
  2. I'd have shouted for my friend Stuart. He always carries a roll of toilet paper.

    I keep meaning to ask him why.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. I'm worried you're carrying left over wet wipes - thats suspicious.... Are you from mumsnet?
    • Like Like x 3
  4. Left over wet-wipes from having to clean my hands after eating too many Peking Spare Ribs!
  5. Stuart has Crohns disease, or IBS and you start mocking him or when you see him walking faster than usual towards the toilet stop him and engage him in unnecessarily intimate conversation about your private life. He will thus be unable to disengage and will soil himself.

    OP- Tear up your shreddies.
    • Like Like x 2
  6. I would venture in to the birds bogs, they have reams of bog roll in there!
  7. Oh I see, thats ok then - just seemed like the sort of thing the wife carried when we had the little uns..... But now you're explained.
  8. Just stand on the sink, jam one of the taps up your arsehole and turn the water on, you'll soon be clean inside and out.

    It helps if you're reading a newspaper during, that way if anyone walks in on you they'll just think that you're eccentric rather than perverted.

    Or just carry out your toilet NSPs properly next time?
    • Like Like x 4
  9. Birds' bogs are located with one floor up adjacent to some militants from a well known Gay Rights Organisation, some of who make me look small and being a ex-rugby player in the second row, who carried on drinking and eating like he was still playing that makes them bloody massive, or down the corridor at the same location as the alternate mens.
  10. The sinks are impossibly placed and are too small to do such an activity, plus I do wees with more pressure than the taps here!

    The newspaper would be better than Azal! But there was none, usually there is a copy of the Metro lying around!
  11. OK, you'll just have to re-plumb the toilet flush then.
  12. One gets the impression that you are very flexible.....
  13. wipe your arse on your grundies, then leave them hanging on the bog roll holder as a warning to others.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. I would stop using the word 'nipsy' for a start, before I was recommended for membership with the militants upstairs.
    • Like Like x 1
  15. It is fewer letters than balloon knot!