A bit pointless...

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Father_Gundulph, Mar 31, 2008.

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  1. All,

    I’ve posted this thread here primarily in order to save someone else moving it (I was intending to post this in the Arrsehole, but only mods. Can make new topics there. Feel free to move!). There is no real point to this; I just want to pass on something to you all I have realised as a result of something that happened to me last Friday night / Saturday morning.

    I travelled down south to see my mate after work on Friday. After a rather heavy night out involving not a little alcohol and some particularly devastating drinking games I decided it was time to go home. I only had a fiver left and the taxi would have cost me £23 for the 8 mile journey. After some particularly perplexing mental arithmetic and after calling the taxi driver a “cheeky wnaker,” for running such an extortionate business I set off on my travels.(Thanks a lot Emperor Mong) I had made it five miles and was in good time to make it in just less than two hours when I was struck by a car and left for dead in a ditch. When I came round I managed to phone my mate (with the aid of a passing driver who saw the incident and to who I am eternally grateful) and inform him “I think I’ve fcuked it, I won’t be coming home tonight,” and was subsequently strapped to a spinal board and taken to the local A&E for scans and “observation.” The medical team were particularly impressed with the level of awareness I was displaying and decided, after a few tests including what I can only describe as a cheeky bum violation, 8O (Quite what that was for I will never know… :? ) that my injuries were non life threatening and that I could go to another ward. In the morning I awoke naked in orthopedics (they had to cut all my clothes off including my “lucky pants,” and socks :cry: ) and was informed that other than a slight bit of blood in my urine (I was struck from behind and my kidneys were a bit bruised) I was otherwise ok. No broken bones. No major head, neck or spine injuries. Just cuts and bruises more akin to when I played that Rugby cup final game last year and we got royally d*cked. Apparently I was “Exceptionally lucky.” (Erm…I just got ran over. That’s not lucky…that not lucky at all!) Apparently you bounce quite well when drunk!

    Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all holy on you all and say that I’ve found God, although the big cheese upstairs was looking out for me on Friday! But I’d like to pass on a message to whoever can be arrsed to read this…

    Have a laugh when things aren’t going so well. I’ve done quite a lot of laughing over the past few days. I got ran over…how f*cking ridiculous is that?!?! What an idiot! There is ALWAYS someone worse off than yourself. At least I didn’t have to jump on a grenade. At least I didn’t get hit by a Cessna. Go out and have a laugh with your mates. Shag your wife/ girlfriend/ boyfriend…a lot! If you haven’t got one then go and ask that fit guy/girl out you’ve been eying up for the last month! Get f*cked up when you want and live your life. You never know, you might get hit by a car tomorrow (again) I think I’ve seen the quote on the main arrse page “Add life to your days, not days to your life.” So true. Someone said to me “So I guess you’re not going drinking for a while then.” I said to him “Erm, I think you’ll find I’m more likely to be giving up getting ran over. I shall be back on it after work on Friday!”

    Thanks for your time,

    F_G (AKA “Bonnet!” )

    P.S To those of you who might feel I am looking for sympathy, I am truly not. I don’t expect it from my mates and I’m not fishing for it on here. I’m not that sad. I know that in the scheme of things this is a non-event however If you feel you must leave abuse, don’t expect a reply because after posting this thread I’m having nothing to do with it. I just hope that if someone needs a bit of a laugh and a pick me up story they can use mine.

    P.P.S If you were driving on the A37 and heard a dull thud as you were going along…You’re a CNUT!!!

    Edited to add – Apparently only moderators can make new threads in the Arrsehole… NAAFI bar will have to do!
     
  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    I thought you had been warned not to take on moving vehicles when bladdered. Next time just try to head butt it :x

    or

    Was it the swing of your hips as you were cruising for c*ck and misjudged the distance between the car and your hips? :twisted:
     
  3. Well to recycle an old saying "Live life as if every day is your last, one day you will be right".

    Glad to hear you bounced :)
     
  4. Mate you mullered my car!!

    Seriously though, glad you're OK and you're quite right - lifes too short and should be lived as such.

    Keep bouncing Bonnet.
     
  5. The bum violation was worth it tho i bet!!! :D
     
  6. Another timely kick up the arrse to inspire us to grab this too short life with both hands and live it to the full- whatever that means to each of us.

    Thanks for that mate
     
  7. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    They tried that bum thing on the wife and I had to laugh, I thought to myself, she's in pain not pissed or horny you have no chance! I was right!
     
  8. Especially apt in your case I would have thought.
     
  9. Especially apt in your case I would have thought.
     
  10. You throbber! Haven't you learnt in situations like this the IA is.

    1. Pull the fatest ugliest munter. :?
    2. Get her to take AND pay for you to go to hers. 8O
    3. Throw yourself on the ugly grenade/kick her back doors in (see '1.' - she'll be greatfull). :oops:
    4. Fall asleep, wake up and on viewing the pig either:
    a. bite you arm off and a hasty extract :(
    or
    b. if you're a cnut, wake the bitch up to cook you a full English before kicking her back doors in once more before knicking money from her purse for a taxi home! 8)

    Yuff of today.... no fecking idea
     
  11. Father_Gundulph - You should PRACTISE HERE before your next night out!
     
  12. "They gave you an anal probe?" Dude!

    (apologies to Cartman's mate)
     
  13. ok... just a quick one to say I'm glad this is being taken in the spirit intended!

    F_G (Bonnet)
     
  14. brettarider

    brettarider On ROPs

    What selfish cnut you are you've noteven been back to the spot yet to put up a notice offering to pay for the damaged you caused to the car the poor person must be sh1tting it at the price hike of next years insurance.
     
  15. I feel both moved and motivated