A bit of POETS-day stuff...........

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by GrumpyOldMan, Jan 6, 2006.

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  1. ......which a mate has just sent me. 8O


    1. During an hour's swimming at a municipal pool you will ingest 1/12 liter of urine.

    2.In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.)

    3.An average person's yearly fast food intake will contain 12 pubic hairs.

    4.In a year you will have swallowed 14 insects - while you slept!

    5. Annually you will shake hands with 11 women who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

    6. Annually you will shake hands with 6 men who have recently masturbated and failed to wash their hands.

    7. In a lifetime 22 workmen will have examined the contents of your dirty linen basket.

    8. At an average wedding reception you have a 1/100 chance of getting a cold sore from one of the guests.

    9. Daily you will breath in 1 liter of other peoples' anal gases.

    HAVE A GREAT DAY...and wash your damn hands !!!!!!!
  2. You forgot-

    In one evening in the squadron bar auf deutch you will drink 2 pints of your own waz and 1 pint of your oppo's, possibly straight from the tap. You will also dome the pint glasses of anyone homo enough to leave the bar for a swamp
  3. This is encouraging. There would appear to be more female wnakers than there are male!
  4. Well, while we're at it.... 20 Things I Bet You Didn't Know You Didn't Know

    1. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself. (YUCK!)
    2. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.
    3. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. (Who leaves champers in their glass long enough to find out?)
    4. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate (I know some people like that!)
    5. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
    6. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (I knew it!)
    7. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
    8. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.
    9. The name Wendy was made up for the book "Peter Pan". There was never a recorded Wendy before.
    10. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
    11. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)
    12. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
    13. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. (WHAT???)
    14. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand. (GOOD FACT TO REMEMBER??)
    15. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin Look-alike contest.
    16. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
    17. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said "Elementary, my dear Watson".
    18. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
    19. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them. (Not to mention the other drawbacks to farting in such a confined space....)
    20. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!!
  6. Purple - Turtle :roll:

    Do you have a speech impediment?
  7. Nope, 'cos I think that would make it a 'Turple'.
  8. Ok. So what about purtle?
  9. When I eat a purtle, drive a purtle, wear a purtle or, sadly, die from Chronic Purtle I will acknowledge that it rhymes with 'Turtle'
    But what is a 'purtle', please?
  10. Oooooooooooooooooooh my bloody 'ead is spinning.

    This little joke list I put up is after a word rhyming with purple - not feckin turtle - it's just 'hair lip CC1' who's having the problem.
  11. You Know!!!! PURTLE, it is similar to a BORANGE 8O
  12. Purtle is an American corruptiion of the old Scots work "Spirtle" which is, as we all know, a slender wooden implement used to stir porrage, broth and the like. In the Deep South, where "purtle" is a common dialect word, it refers to the male sexual organ when used to stir its female counter part. This gives rise to colloquialisms such as "tonaht ahm gunna git me sum sweet purtle oil".
  13. Wunh??
    Them is what you feed to heffacrocadillypigs........ennit?
  14. :lol: :lol: :lol:
  15. The Royal CAARPS Dictunry of INGEEEEERLUND

    BORANGE - Word that rhymes with Orange, Came into existence Circa 2006 to utterly refute all people who hit you with the line "Do you know there is actually no word that rhymes with Orange" !!!