99 chat up lines - some are classic!

Discussion in 'The Lamp and Sandbag II - The Tall Story Strikes B' started by FunkyNewBlood, Jun 2, 2005.

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  1. 1.. Are my undies showing? ["No."] "Would you like them to?"
    2.. Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
    3.. As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
    4.. As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No. Damn!
    5.. At the Laundromat, "How much bleach should I put in with my good suit?"
    6.. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.
    7.. Congratulations! You've been voted "Most Beautiful Girl In This Room" and the grand prize is a night with me!
    8.. Damn, I thought "very-fine" only came in a bottle!
    9.. Did you know that there are 265 bones inside of your body? {Wait for answer} "Yeah, and I could show you how to get one more?"
    10.. Didn't I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
    11.. Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
    12.. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
    13.. Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
    14.. Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
    15.. Do you have any Irish in you? (if no.) Would you like some? (if yes.) Want some more?
    16.. Do you have rubbers at your house or should I pull out?
    17.. Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
    18.. Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow job? [No!] Do you want to do lunch?
    19.. Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you wanna go upstairs and talk.
    20.. Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo system at home!
    21.. Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
    22.. Does your boyfriend know where you are?
    23.. Excuse me, do you believe in one night stands?
    24.. Excuse me, do you think you might possibly have a mutual friend who could introduce us.
    25.. Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
    26.. Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
    27.. For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.
    28.. Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.
    29.. Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She says no. Then wink.
    30.. Have you heard the latest piece of medical knowledge saying that Sex is a real killer? Do you want to die happy?
    31.. Hey babe, how about a pizza and a ****? (after she slaps you or leaves) HEY! What's wrong, don't you like pizza?
    32.. Hi there! Do you want to see something really swell?
    33.. Hi!
    34.. Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
    35.. Hi, how are you?
    36.. Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.
    37.. Hi, I'm a fashion photographer. Would you like to be in my next photo shoot?
    38.. Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to see if I'm right.
    39.. Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?
    40.. Hi, my name's [name]. You might want to remember it now, because you'll be screaming it later!
    41.. Hi. You'll do.
    42.. Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."
    43.. How do you like your eggs cooked? [Why?] Well I just wanted know what to make for you in the morning!
    44.. I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.
    45.. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
    46.. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
    47.. I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
    48.. I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
    49.. I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
    50.. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.
    51.. I seemed to have lost my way, would you mind taking me with you.
    52.. I was going to tell you a joke that'll make your tits fall off. But it looks like somebody beat me to it.
    53.. I was just curious? Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
    54.. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone beat me to it.
    55.. If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do you have the energy?"
    56.. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
    57.. If I told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?
    58.. If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?
    59.. If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
    60.. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
    61.. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
    62.. I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent; oh and by the way, you have my consent.
    63.. I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
    64.. I'm the kind of man who deserves to have women I don't deserve.
    65.. Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
    66.. Is you father a lumberjack [No, why?] Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.
    67.. I've been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy.
    68.. I've had quite a bit to drink, and you're beginning to look pretty good.
    69.. I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
    70.. Let's have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you?
    71.. Lick your finger and touch the person, touch yourself with it and say, "Let's you and me get out of these wet clothes."
    72.. May I flirt with you?
    73.. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
    74.. Nice shoes. Wanna ****?
    75.. Oh my sweet darling! For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me.
    76.. Overheard in our computer lab: Just because your computers are incompatible, doesn't mean we are.
    77.. Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
    78.. Say, did we go to different schools together?
    79.. Shall I wait for you in my car or will the closet suffice?
    80.. Sorry to bother you, but I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that.
    81.. Take a screw with you and put it in your pocket. Then, when a girl comes up to you, offer her the screw and say, "Wanna screw?"
    82.. That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
    83.. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
    84.. There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.
    85.. Use index finger to call someone over then say, "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand."
    86.. Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked, walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving." (The key is to act like you know them.)
    87.. Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
    88.. Were you just smiling at me from across the room, or do I have my contacts in wrong?
    89.. What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper
    90.. What's a nice girl like you doing talking to a loser like me?
    91.. Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
    92.. Would you like to dance or should I go **** myself again?
    93.. You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
    94.. You know how some men buy really expensive cars to make up for certain, well, shortages? Well, I don't even own a car.
    95.. You know, you might be asked to leave soon. You're making the other women look really bad.
    96.. You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.
    97.. You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
    98.. You're so hot you would make the devil sweat.
    99.. You're ugly but you intrigue me.
  2. 60 & 61 are the same so really there only 98
  3. Curse my weak copy and paste powers.
  4. The ultimate chat up lines were recorded by Kevin "bloody" wilson - track is called kev's courtin song lines - he is australian - so the quality will be immediately apparent - fully recommend them - they are as follows;-.Kev's Courtin' Song

    Verse 1
    Blown too much of me time buying dinner and wine
    And me money on flowers and lollies
    Only to find that what's on me mind
    Isn't on hers and she's sorry
    So I've made up some lines that save wastin' time
    And keep me from blowin' me brass
    I'm ever so cool I just prop on the stool
    Right next to hers and I ask:

    'Do you f**k on first dates?
    Does your dad own a brewery?
    Could I feel your tits?
    Or would you show 'em to me?
    Cause you've you've got a nice head
    And you look pretty honest
    So me face'll be leavin' in a quarter of an hour--
    I'd like you to be on it'

    Verse 2
    You know how it feels when you first meet a sheila
    And the bullshit you've gotta go through
    Like callin' her up and tellin' her you love her
    When all that you'd love is just to screw
    But she wants to hold hands and you to meet her old man
    And sit around for hours and talk
    But me new method is, you just cut through the shit
    And get down to the goodies straight off:

    'Do you f**k on first dates?
    Does your dad own a brewery?
    Could I feel your tits?
    Or would you show 'em to me?
    Do you sleep in the nick?
    Do you give head very often?
    If we can decide, your place or mine
    We can f**k off then'

    Verse 3
    So the next time you see a good-lookin' sheila
    And you'd give a week's pay just to hold her
    Don't sit acting dumb, just front her full-on
    And drop a few lines like I told you
    This new method of mine might not work every time
    But then again no method will
    I've been spat at and slapped, and kneed in the knackers
    But then I've got a few f**ks as well

    'Do you f**k on first dates?
    Does your dad own a brewery?
    Could I feel your tits?
    Or would you show 'em to me?
    If the answer is 'No'
    To me questions above --
    Then be a good sport and give me the name
    Of a girlfriend who does!'
  5. 99 chat up lines and 95 that be answered with "Just fcuk off".

    One to add to Funky's list: Shaking female's hand after being introduced "Hmmmm I like a tight squeeze". It was said to me, no it didn't work but he got far enough :wink:
  6. darling if i could rearrange the alphabet i would, so that U and I would be together!

    now that is corny :)
  7. Do you fancy an fcuk or you buying your own drinks?
  8. Haha :lol: Genius
  9. "The voices in my head said to come and speak to you"

    That came from a class of 14 year olds during a lesson on teenage angst and was voted most popular with the girls !
  10. Just as the music track was finishing at the NAAFI disco was heard at full volume "DO YOU WANT TO DANCE" she answered NO music dies "THEN I SUPPOSE A SHAGS OUT OF THE QUESTION"

    This is the trueth, I know I was there.
  11. Aussie bloke chatting up Aussie chick
    You're a good looking Shelia, do ya fcuk?
    I do for smooth talking barstewards like you!
  12. Go to Newcastle, the local ladies chat you up.
  13. likewise in Castlemartin, pembrokeshire!! the RAC amongst ARSSEr's will no doubt agree!!
  14. "You have stunning eyes." Said while staring into my cleavage, because I was wearing a corset.

    Sheesh! He didn't get very far after. :lol:
  15. Temptress? Nope. Just a fact. It was, however, a funny moment and a rather stupid chat-up line. Would have worked better if his eyes had been on eye-level.

    I liked the one "Did I saw your pic on XX conference site? I'd love to talk about Anglo-Saxon heroic epics." Must have been one of the weirdest chat-up lines ever. I was together with him for 7 years. :D