8 year old son tastes my jiz - am I a paedo by proxy?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by trickywoo, Nov 13, 2007.

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  1. I've just returned from a canal boat holiday in Shropshire (very nice, since you ask, and thoroughly to be recommended). It's been cold up there and yesterday the children got into bed with me while No.2 put the post-shag brews on. I fell asleep, only to be rudely woken a few minutes later by my son, who's discovered that the bed is wet inside. I mutter something about 'condensation on a wooden boat' and turn to nod off again until yet more urgent jabs in the back and the cry of "Yes daddy but it's not compensation it's all sticky and it tasted weird too" followed by Cordelia - all of 6 years old - with "Oooh, let me try!". So, from this delightful and genuinly heart-warming family scene several questions arise:

    i. Am I now a card carrying nonse in need of a huge collection of santa clauses and deers on the front of the house a.k.a. "Paedo Lights"
    ii. Will my son, post early w4nking years, remember yesterday's events at some point to wake in the night screaming his noggin off then run into my bedroom and pan me in?
    iii. Since my wife contributed her own personal moip into the mix, as it were, isn't she also a padeo?
    iv. Since my wife is a paedo ought I send her to a council estate in Portsmouth with a sign roung her neck so she can get what's coming to her, the skanky kiddy fiddling coo :D

    I think we should be told.
  2. I think you need a second opinion...
  3. I've been trying (unsuccesfully) to get children to enjoy the taste of my man mayonnaise for years. You may have unwittingly stumbled upon an excellent way of breaking them in.
  4. This is very very wrong
  5. I think it's good drills. All you're doing is getting your lad acclimatised to the taste of the f4nny batter / baby gravy mix, which will, in due course, allow him to enjoy the Breakfast Of Champions and hence gain a reputation among the local ladies as a stud of legendary proportions. On the other hand, if your daughter decides she enjoys the taste of f4nny batter, she's likely to turn into a raving bean-flicker.
  6. ...and yet so alluring. I'm just one big bundle of confused emotions. All I know is canal boat + small boy = happy wedge.
  7. this is proberbly the most hilarious and disturbing thread ever.
  8. its fine, he wont remember it until he's 40.
  9. oh so so so wrong in so many disturbing ways and so many questions i cannot erase from my screaming in pain mind!!
    but to be honest tricky are you just seeking reassurance not to be the first daddy to have the kids wallow in you mixed morning glories? definitely not but the tasting thing oh Oh OH IM gonna be sick?
    sorry all scuse me
  10. Tricky - do you realise how much they pay in Hamburg if you record this stuff for wider consumption?
  11. How did you teach both children to taste the bedding?

    I sense lies and think you had them involved in a family orgy, when they mentioned the safe word 'Get that sticklebrick out of my anus' you were two far gone and gave them both a pasting.

    Because they had pegs on thier noses, your jet of paste dribbled into their mouths and a dig to their bellies made tham gag it down.

    I'm right aren't I?

  12. You realise, of course, they're going to stick you in the cheapest, most corrupt nursing home they can find, don't you?