50 ways to leave your lover ....... ARRSE Styleeeeeee.

#1
I was chatting to one of my mates who is of the opinion that dating women off the internet then braking up with them in the most spectacular way could catch on as this summers top sport in the city. This is after he had a blazing arguement on the first date with a cyber bunny boiler.
How would you brake up with an internet loonie?

Take her to her favourate restaurant, where she knows everyone, then mid meal stand up and shout "What do you mean you caught the clap off your brother?" then storm out?
 
#2
My normal method of making sure I never saw a woman again was to actually date her. Worked a treat.
 
#3
Arrange to meet at Heathrow with tickets (insert airport of choice) for romantic break to somewhere you know she likes. Arrange paging of "Miss X, waiting to meet Mr Y" Followed up with, the handwritten note explaining "Sorry can't make it, feel free to go without me."
 
#10
padme said:
Go and meet her with your new Girlfriend!
I can say from experience that this one really does get the message across and even brings on a case of waterworks.
 
#12
Phone her from BATUS and tell her you have caught the clap.

If she is a weak willed annoying little tart she will say

"I'm upset but i can forgive you."

Then mobile number and get a friend to return her letters to her with "POSTED TO IRAQ" written on the back of the envelope!
 
#15
Bad_Crow said:
If she is a weak willed annoying little tart she will say

"I'm upset but i can forgive you."
I still think Cheryl Cole will be better off as an ARRSE Maiden than being with Cashley. If she really means it, I think we should let her stay.
 
#16
LordVonHarley said:
I was chatting to one of my mates who is of the opinion that dating women off the internet then braking up with them in the most spectacular way could catch on as this summers top sport in the city. This is after he had a blazing arguement on the first date with a cyber bunny boiler.
How would you brake up with an internet loonie?
Let a fart rip while she's gobbling you in the bar, hold her in close to fill her mouth, then tell her to fuck off and leave her with the bar bill.

Simple really.
 
#17
5.56mm said:
Kick them in the nuts/fanny and say you were crap in bed, I'd rather masturbate.
I got rid of the mad woman from buxton that way. In retrospect the name should have given her away abit,but your young and horny..
She didnt actually leave,just put a tent up in the back garden of the flats,had to step round her tent every time i went in and out. Even bringing back new girls,wouldnt shift her,ended up moving house to be rid
 
#18
saintstone said:
padme said:
Go and meet her with your new Girlfriend!
I can say from experience that this one really does get the message across and even brings on a case of waterworks.
You cried after your ex turned up with a new g/f, rather than trying to fud the pair of them in their respective clunges? Poof :D
 
#19
_Artemis_ said:
saintstone said:
padme said:
Go and meet her with your new Girlfriend!
I can say from experience that this one really does get the message across and even brings on a case of waterworks.
You cried after your ex turned up with a new g/f, rather than trying to fud the pair of them in their respective clunges? Poof :D
Me, cry?? Only after you turned the power off to those bulldog clips you had attached to my nads and that's the only time. (and next time read the original post first, slut)
 
#20
I agree with the showing up with the new girlfried method.

Alternatively, look at an imaginery (or not?) blemish on the offending partners face, with a look of disgust. When she notices you looking, immediately look away and pretend it didnt happen. Repeat often, occaisionally adding phrases like "never noticed that before", "its nothing...", "im sure itl rub off" etc...
Varying the point at which you are pretending to stare every now and again is a good idea, though not too often. It must always be a part of their body that they cannot see themselves. Works best in a public place, but not if any of her friends are with you.

If done over a prolonged period, i.e over the course of an evening out, or even better a whole weekend, the results can be pretty spectacular. ranging from angry name calling to full blown mental break down including sobbing, glass throwing and storming off home...
 

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