50 sheds of grey

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by msr, Nov 8, 2012.

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  1. msr

    msr LE

    Saw this and thought it worth sharing:

    The novel "Fifty Shades Of Grey" has seduced women - and baffled blokes. Now we have Fifty Sheds Of Grey, which offers a treat for the men. The book has author Colin Grey recounting his encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...

    We tried various positions - round the back, on the side, up against a wall ... but in the end we came to the conclusion the bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.

    She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
    "I'm yours for the night," she gasped, "You can do whatever you want with me."
    So I took her to McDonalds.

    Ever since she read THAT book, I've had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.

    "Put on this rubber suit and mask," I instructed, calmly.
    "Mmmm, kinky!" she purred.
    "Yes," I said, "You can't be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof."

    "I'm a very naughty girl," she said, biting her lip. "I need to be punished."
    So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.

    "Are you sure you can take the pain?" she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
    "I think so," I gulped.
    "Here we go, then," she said, and showed me the receipt.

    "Are you sure you want this?" I asked. "When I'm done, you won't be able to sit down for weeks."
    She nodded.
    "Okay," I said, putting the three-piece suite on eBay.

    "Punish me!" she cried. "Make me suffer like only a real man can!"
    "Very well," I replied, leaving the toilet seat up.

    "Pleasure and pain can be experienced simultaneously," she said, gently massaging my back as we listened to her Coldplay CD.
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  2. Cock
  3. I think you'll find this has all been written by one of the neighbours next door at Rum Ration..............

    do keep up!
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  4. Fifty Shades of Grey.

    The missus bought a paperback,
    down Shepton, saturday.
    l took a look inside her bag,
    'twas Fifty shades of Grey.

    Well, l just left her to it,
    and at ten l went to bed.
    An hour later, she appeared,
    the sight filled me with dread.

    In her left she held a rope,
    and in her right, a whip,
    she threw them down upon the floor,
    then she began to strip.

    Well fifty years or so ago,
    l might have had a peek,
    but Mabel hasn't weathered well,
    she's eighty four next week.

    Watching Mabel bump and grind,
    could not have been much grimmer,
    and things then went from bad to worse,
    she toppled from her zimmer.

    She struggled back upon her feet,
    a couple minutes later,
    she put her teeth back in again,
    and said "I must dominate"

    Now, if you knew our Mabel,
    you know why l just spluttered.
    l'd spent two months in traction,
    for the last complaint l'd uttered.

    She stood there nude and naked,
    bent forward just a bit,
    l went to hold her, sensual like,
    and stood on her left tit.

    Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out,
    my God, what had l done?
    She moaned and groaned, then shouted out.
    "Step on the other one"

    Well reader, l can tell no more,
    about what occurred that day,
    suffice to say, my jet black hair,
    turned fifty shades of grey
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  5. That is a classic. May I offer it to the parish magazine - they are always looking for contributions.
  6. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    If it late August again why isn't it fucking sunny?
  7. Shed.jpg
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  8. Damm! Beat me to it!

    I wonder if Q/Pussers/Whatever the light blue equivalent is storespersons throughout the realm will be getting similar sensitive advice?
  9. Not just B&Q.


    The fire service in London are expecting things to go a bit Pete Tong too. I didn't know whether to put this in the Emperor thread or here :) I guess actual Emperor activity belongs there.