50 Shades of Chav.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Jul 3, 2012.

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  1. As he approached with those pasty white arms hanging out of his Gola vest, his smile told me it was benefit day and I knew my velour tracksuit would be hanging off the lamp shade tonight.
    It was Dwayne's birthday. I was preparing his special tea of Findus Crispy Pancakes and Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called..... The Dogs of War, where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time.
    Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. This would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant. I thought of this as he lay on top of me making love. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you. As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, B.O and Lynx Africa. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Iceland. He had tied up his Staffy to block the alley way so we wouldn't be disturbed. There was a tramp watching but it just added to the mystery. I knew it was love and my life would never be the same.
    My mum had told me to leave Dwayne many times due to the violence but I knew he loved me as he always took his rings off before he hit me. Tonight though he was in a foul mood, I had fucked his tea up after failing to de-frost his prawn ring I had nicked from Farm Foods. He picked up the power lead from my kids XBox and whipped it across my doughy arse. It stung but I liked it. I shouted "again again" so he carried on. I thought my shell suit would rip into a million pieces.
    As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which is rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections....


    I nicked this from facebook but if you want to continue the novel do carry on....
     
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  2. ah thats why i couldnt find it on the search
     
  3. I nicked it from the thread on here , corrected a couple typos, added swear words that were blanked then put it on facebook .
    Hmm which one of my friends do you know then ?
     
  4. I know this post is meant to be funny, however as I walk around my local Town centre and see some of the Chav's and Chavettes, you know the sort, a fat pregnant tart in a tracksuit pushing a buggy containing Tyrone or Chantelle puffing away on a king size fag accompanied by a chav in a white (dirty) tracksuit complete with bling and enough body piercings to fill a scrap yard, also sipping away at a can of carlsberg. I can't help thinking how I would love to serve my country one more time by exterminating the whole f****** breed.
     
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  5. Here's my attempt at continuing the story.

    As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which is rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections....

    He spotted my 18 month daughters dummy lying on the table and ripped the ring off to use as an impromptu cock ring, i didnt care as i knew i could steal another the next time i went to steal nappies at the day care centre. All i cared about was him taking me there and then, he pulled my shellsuit trousers down along with my primark panties and thrust into me as i was bent over the sofa. I could still hear my daughter crying and wailing for attention from the kitchen, but i didnt care i was in ecstasy! Three thrusts and i felt his hot cum filling me like the discharge i had each time i caught gonorrhea...I was so happy! As soon as he finished, he pulled his trackuit bottoms back up and was reaching for his can of Strongbow telling me to 'sort his fucking tea out' I knew he was the 'one' and was hoping this time i would get pregnant with Dwaynes child.
    Later that night whilst sitting on the sofa Dwayne was apologising for hitting me again and telling me it was my fault, i knew it was my fault as i should have made sure there was enough cider in the fridge for him, as he had always got angry in the past when i ran out. I could hear my children crying upstairs after all the shouting and banging, but i knew i had to keep my attention on Dwayne or he would get angry again and blanked them out of my mind as i had so often before. He was telling me of how things were going to change as he had met someone with connections and was going to start doing his own dealing, he had plans, as soon as he had enough money, he was going to buy a tv for the bedroom from someone he knew in the pub I forgot about the pain in my jaw when i realised he meant it, i was so happy.....
     
  6. Mine carries on from the same place. We should collaborate and split the profits ?

    As I looked over my shoulder I saw his Weetabix toothed smile. He even had a semi on which is rare as the crack normally played havoc with his erections....

    “He started to stroke his semi as I played with my clematis , I caught the aroma of Grimsby trawler and wished I had either washed my hands after preparing the prawn ring or got properly checked out at the GU clinic. No matter , it was too late to stop him now. The last time he had that intense look was when he was filling out his jobseekers activity book and asked me how to spell CV . He wiped his floppy semi over my arse cheeks and started to thumb it inside me .

    As I looked over again I could see his bulldog tattoo in sharp relief against his white bony arms and it seemed to be leering at me in a knowing way . I felt him slip inside me and a tiny bit of wee escaped . I knew what to expect now and sure enough he snatched at my scrunchie with careless abandon and punched me squarely in the back of the head . He was only a small man but he could really beat a woman and that’s what made him mine . As he dragged me back by my extensions, he put his mouth to my ear and whispered tenderly “you’re fokkin getting it nah ya cont “. I inhaled his musk of old holborn and carling and whimpered in ecstacy.

    I could feel myself opening for his penetration and hoped that my coil wouldn’t dislodge yet again. . This was it , he bent over me and his boxing glove necklace was dangling in front of me , tapping me on the nose in time to his thrusts. My eldest, Dakota looked up from her DS 3d and said “ youse two are fokkin gross” and without so much as an explanation took little Arkansas and Florida upstairs so Dwayne didn’t feel pressured.

    Now we were completely alone, apart from his mate Kyle but he were smacked off his eyeballs so we left inhibition behind……