5-fingered discount

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Fugly, Oct 8, 2007.

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  1. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Theft is wrong - we all know that. Steal from your mates, and be prepared for some hand/doorframe interaction as well as legal proceedings. But that is not what this thread is about.

    "I've never stolen anything in my life" you might say. Can you really hold your head up high when you state that? Lurking in a drawer in your house somewhere, there is quite possibly a biro with a Banner logo on it. And maybe a stapler as well. And a ream of A4, along with a pack of lumicolours.

    Now look in your toolbox. See that screwdriver with the crows foot stamped on it? Did you pay for it? Pikey twat.

    Now cast your mind back to the sense of smug satisfaction you felt, when you had just finished mounting on the wall the latest trophy for your Regimental rugby team - the trophy in question being the roll of honour for previous Captains of the team you had visited the day before. As well as all the rude-sounding roadsigns that you have had away.

    Confess your sins here people. What have you "liberated", why was it justified to half-inch it, and how much fun did you have in the process!

    (Try not to drop yourselves in the shit by giving too much away!!)
     
  2. I tried to pinch a christmas tree one year from downtown Herford, i say tried, cos after spending the best part of an hour dragging the damn thing drunkenly back to camp, the local polizei pulled up and made me drag it all the way back to town and re pot it.
     
  3. Forgive me father for I have sinned.


    We stole an RMP 'Crime prevention' banner and stuck it next to the 'Colditz. 500 Jahrestag' banner we'd liberated from the castle a few weeks before.


    We 'borrowed' the Sandhurst New College sign until some General phoned up Director AAC and asked politely if he could have it back. Apparently two dirty great big Lynx skid marks and the usual oil stains gave the game away.


    I'll have a gander through my reggie entries to see what else I've been fingered for. ;)
     
  4. Now we're talking.

    In Civvy strasse i never agreed with theft so when i put on the green and everyman and his cat gave us scousers grief i wasn't amused. Stealing is wrong... But fun. Don't go after lockers or peoples personal property. Go after bigger game. Army Property!

    Landrover doors Bedford canopies. The track off a 432 in BATUS.

    However my own personal favourite

    It was a warm evening somewhere more sunny than here and the troops of x platoon y company the Z&Z regt were coming to then end of 36hours time off. They reached an American Camp there. The yanks were late on some deadline because they were loading ISO loads of stuff into the back of their cookhouse. More Mountain Dew, choccy bars and boxes of ice cream than you could shake a stick at. The Brit troops in question watch all this stuff being unloaded drooling at the mouth gutted at the fact that they missed late night scoff.

    A white fleet vehicle pulled up and out gets some yank in civvies who gobs off a load of sh1t to the worker ants who all of a sudden vanish after him whilst he's still ranting on. Not only was the ISO left un attended but so was the white fleet vehicle.

    In the blink of an eye a set of QBO's was issued by an 18 year old Salford lad to three scousers and another manc. Without pause for breath the GMC thing was loaded up with a mixture of energy drinks, choccy muffins and of all things frozen waffles and used to hit the main drag then boot it at about 80mph to our wagons. The stuff was dumped and then the vehicle returned. It was loaded up again this time with really pointless things like olive oil powdered milk and about a million boxes of plastic diggers and again it buggered off. As it was on its way back the worker ants were returning following the angry yank. However our salford lad hadn't let them down and he executed his contingency plan second to none. From the corner of a make shift basketball court he booted a basket ball like i've never seen in all my life straight into their TV room. Out piles a load of yanks kicking off as he's legged it and they're looking for the guilty party.

    This bought the driver enough time to get parked up and nick the head rest off the drivers seat a mud flap and a stars and stripes magnet off the back.

    It was about this time that they had cottoned on they'd been robbed. So they decided to get off sharpish not before the thieving little sh1t of a driver had made his last theft of the day though. As they walked out of the vehicle gate they were bollocked in true yank fashion for not following the correct footpath and told to turn around. So he swiped The padlock (Minus Key) and a sign that said "turn off your lights".

    Probably one of them 'you had to be there' nights but what a great night it... Must have been for those there



    :D
     
  5. I have no live rpunds empty casings or pyrotechnics in my possession SIR!!!!
    Edited for mongoloid self incrimination
     
  6. Fugly

    Fugly LE DirtyBAT

    Survival exercise on Haltern ranges, Germany. Not a bad place to be if you are tracked vehicle borne, utter shit if you are on foot - the whole place is like an imported desert.

    About 3 days in, and starving, we came across a tent occupied by a lardy TA Major, who had a load of his troops exercising on the same area - of course, they had been warned off about our presence and the nature of our exercise. He was merely being polite when we kept him talking at the opening to his tent for nearly 5 minutes - just enough time for the unobserved 2 of the section to slip round the back of the tent, under the flap, and abscond with all his brew kit, a large chocolate cake the chefs had dropped off earlier, the socks he was drying on the heater (took them just for devilment) - and the battery to his 351, which was sent back to his unit with an invoice for recovery, refurbishment and recharging!
     
  7. Trapsing round the aisles of the V-Markt in sunny doontoon Bergen, the two year old in the boogy stashes half a dozen shoe brushes inside her coat cos she can reach them then (amazingly) zips up the front.

    The other three kids haven't let her live it down since, she's 22 now. Bless.
     
  8. Macedonia 2001, the BG moved into Camp Able Sentry (Yanks) and were put up in air conditioned tents with the yank camp cots. As we departed to our own area so did the camp cots - about 300 of them.
     
  9. In FRY we sold diesel and veh. parts to the local Serbs for Slivo and hash.I guess that's stealing
     
  10. Me Bad

    About 1982 RMP hardtop land rover foolishly not properly secure well technically not after we used the magic MT special key ring! Thus enableing liberation of running kit and for devilment the seats. Mucho brownie points from MT Sgt as we where about to start a PRE. Well its always helpful to have trade ables?

    edited to add fancy leaving a vehicle unattended in hamburg FFS :p and mongo spaker spelling
     
  11. "Stole" a goal-shooter from the Reading Uni netball team while at Polyversity, took her back to London and
     
  12. Not me, but do recall 1 RGJ in Osnabruck had a penchant for the blue jamjars off the top of RMP vehicles that entered their hallowed turf(Mercer Bks), even when they were parked outside the guardroom.
     
  13. 1984, KFC, Salisbury.
    Part of a group that stole a full size 'Colonel Sanders'
    It was even reported in the Sun. (some bollox headline like "finger-licking thieves")
    Bottled it though and returned it under cover of darkness a few days later.
     
  14. I have always lead an honest life, always respected other peoples property and and been careful never to find myself in a position were I may have inadvertently taken something that doesn't belong to me.

    That was until I went to Portugal for a short break.

    FFS how was I supposed to know she belonged to somebody.
     
  15. I am a fully fledged theiving twa t, I'm an Aussie so that is my privilege.

    Mmmmmmm shiny things.

    You know it is a bit you have a problem when people start bringing you shiny things to save you the trouble of stealing them.