34 Fd Sqn - Belize 1979

Ah, but it was 1978, not 79 - cos it was just after the first fire strike, where our "continuation training" at Cove - that well-known euphemism for knocking the cockiness out of ATs from Chep - was interrupted, so we could get to drive GGs and get visits to lots of toy factories etc (and get a £10 bonus for some reason - a massive amount on a weekly wage of about £25 or so!). I was posted out to 34 Muppet Sqn from Cove and a few weeks later ended up in Belize, having never even heard of it before day one at Waterbeach.

34 at that time was reeling from the results of a NAAFI piss-up that had apparently got out of hand, for which photographic evidence of the night's activities (broom handles up various chocolate starfishes etc - normal RE evening activities then!) was somewhat stupidly given into the NAAFI for processing, which in turn got passed to the SB and resulted in a lot of immediate postings-out, bustings etc and the sqn being blacklisted and watched for its future behaviour.

Needless to say, such activities continued in Belize...and it was always the pads who seemed to be the worst protagonists. Being a fresh-faced 18 year old, I was way out of my depth with all this stuff and made the fatal mistake of reacting to one old lag of the troop wopping his pecker out in the hut and telling me he was going to give it to me long and hard and legging it out, taking the fly-mesh doors completely off their hinges, in my haste to exit and avoid a scene from Deliverance.

My reaction of legging it and clearly being terrified (as opposed to just lamping him one, or laughing it off) became the stuff of legend out there and followed me on a transfer from Belize City to Mankysal down in da jungle and I spent many a "happy" hour hiding out in the jungle, having been chased by numerous pork-sword warriors from the open air shower! I also apparently got sold to an SAS medic and a bunch of Rock Apes for crates of beer (on the latter occasion, I ended up having to take refuge with a bunch of KOSBies, being totally convinced that my ring-piece was going to be a tad wider than it was when I first joined the sqn...).

That six months out there was NEVER going to be over quickly enough lol...

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