27 Ways to be a modern man (according to the NY Times)

#1
If this list is really true for modern manhood, I'm worried about the future of the Western world....

Personally speaking, the only one that applies to me is #22 (except it's to check the post rather than fetch the paper).

22. The modern man still ambles half-naked down his driveway each morning to scoop up a crisp newspaper.
As to the rest of it, if any of it applies to you, you should seriously consider gender reassignment.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/02/fashion/mens-style/27-ways-to-be-a-modern-man.html
 
#4
#6
What a load of bollocking shite.

17. Does the modern man have a melon baller? What do you think? How else would the modern man remove the eyes of his victims
 
#7
#9
26. The modern man cries. He cries often. Because he is a cunt.

26. The modern man cries. He cries often. Because his wife's strap on is ripping his arrse open.
 

Helm

MIA
Book Reviewer
#10
The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
If it's charred you're some kinda of fucking fairy that ruins a good steak by burning it to death eat it rare or stick to tofu you fucking nonce
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#13
#15
The modern man doesn’t cut the fatty or charred bits off his fillet. Every bite of steak is a privilege, and it all goes down the hatch.
If it's charred you're some kinda of ******* fairy that ruins a good steak by burning it to death eat it rare or stick to tofu you ******* nonce
And if it's fatty, you've bought a shit cut. Get a better job.
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#16

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