The following has to be the best after dinner speech I have ever heard - it was given in front of all the Mess with the Director Laughing his head off this weekend. A certain WO1 who is due out very shortly gave the following as his exit speech: Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt". Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N.Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn, JackSchitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt,Bull Schitt and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parent's objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and because her kids from her first marriage were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. Two others of the six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. So, now when someone says, " You don't know " Jack Schitt, you can correct them Brigadier as you know JackShitt about your troops!