21st Century Greetings Cards

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by dhgrainger1, Nov 29, 2008.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. -Congratulations On Your Illigitimate, Crack-addicted, Mixed Race Child!

    -It's Your Tenth ASBO!

    -I'm Sorry I Date-Raped You...

    -Happy holocaust!

    -I Hope The Portugese Police Find Your Missing Child!

    -Congratulations On Shoving A Wine-bottle Up Your Fanny On Television!

    -You Fucked Calum Best! (again)

    -Well Done! You've Managed to Avoid Fucking Callum Best!

    -Thanks For Being Shit On The X-Factor Auditions, You Almost Made Me Forget The Death Of My Mother!

    -Welcome Back Kids! (mummy won't let them take you into care again).

    -You've Been Sectioned!

    Additons?
     
  2. YOUR A C*NT, sorry i meant to say happy birthday!

    "Happy Birthday Wanker",

    Good luck in jail.

    congratulations on coming out,

    Not many birthdays left now!,

    Happy birthday to the office slut
     
  3. Congratulations on a realistic tan.

    This week's daddy loves you (in a special way).

    Your cancer is nearly as important to me as football.

    Happy third liver.
     
  4. Happy Christmas.

    HOPE YOU DIE SOON.

    XXXXXX
     
  5. sorry i used my brief gas cramps to relate to your period pains,

    sorry i can't indicate my sexual desire for morning sex other than humping your back furiously,

    happy sweet 16 (or multiple thereof)

    congratulations! i never thought you'd live to be 40

    thinking of me on your birthday

    Happy birthday,your officially too old to go to rock concerts
     
  6. Congratulations on plagiarising wikipedia enough times to earn a degree

    Sorry that guy who didn’t want to f*ck you turned out not to be gay

    Have fun while horrifying the locals

    Congratulations on not having a miscarriage

    Sorry your cold tuned out to be bubonic plague,,,,,,,,I mean man flu

    Happy anniversary darling,I think our relationship has matured to the point where period sex may be on the table
     
  7. Congradulations you have A.I.DS
     
  8. Congratulations, you're legal!

    Sorry, the bitch looked at me funny.....

    Happy skyscraper day!
     
  9. Good Luck in court (the bitch asked for it)
     
  10. Congratulations ... on failing your GCSEs/Breath Test/to bother getting up for work.
     
  11. More like:

    Congratulations on getting straight A's in your GCSE's even though you can't read - Don't believe what your dad says, they're not getting easier.
     
  12. You’ll know I’m ur secret santa if u don’t receive anything

    Thanks for doing what I’m way too big a pussy to do

    Sorry u had to disguise ur masturbation injury as sports related

    sorry I wasn’t there to see u get fired

    please join me in celebrating the end of my marriage

    I’m sorry to hear u didn’t dump that prick quicker

    Ur the greatest weekend dad ever!

    Granddad let’s get to know each other before u get Alzheimers
     
  13. Happy Civil Partnership Divorce!

    Congratulations on your 5th child (by the 5th Father)!

    Well done smoking 20 fags and you're only 7!
     
  14. The taxpayer thanks you for passing your feckin useless media studies degree
     
  15. As someone currently in a long term relationship, let me talk u through the horrors of being in a long term relationship

    Thank god u were able to have children before turning into a 40 yr old hag

    If ur bored this weekend I know where there r hot skanks

    If ur ever abducted I hope u develop Stockholm Syndrome