2012 Predictions

Well the end of the year is coming.

How about some Predictions for 2012, three to begin:
Israel and America to bomb Iran. Britain to get sucked into another misadventure.
Turkey to invade Syria
India to begin prep for attack against Pakistan

The Chosen One finds out he's got **** all chance of a second Term; he and Bibi launch OP: Shit Just Got Real and turn large parts of Iran into a glow-in-the-dark glass car-park. When the new President moves into the Oval Office, he finds a note from Barry on his desk.

"Good luck sorting out this cluster-****.

Love and Kisses,

The US will continue to blame everyone but themselves for the state of their economy. Protectionism will rise, as will costs of living as a consequence. People will continue to talk about how important it is to put the nation's finances on a firm footing while taking out massive, crippling loans to pay for extravagant lifestyles.

In tiny little ways, the world will get steadily shittier.
A UK Government minister will be arrested in a New York gay bar.


Book Reviewer
Amadinnerjacket will get topped. The Savak (or whatever the're calling themselves these days) will turn up some questionable docs pointing the finger at Israel and some poor Iranian ****** will get hung from a crane in Azadi Square. Much gnashing of teeth and rending of raiment will occur. The new president will be more west friendly but still spout shite about Israel. Iran will slowly move towards the secular democracy it always should have been.

America will grow a set and tell Israel to stop ******* the Palestinians over.

Greece will be booted out of the Euro and the delusional tossers in Brussels will take a long hard look at the map and decide Turkey never actually was part of Europe.

A disgruntled underclass in the UK, deprived of benefits by Tough On Crime Call Me Dave will organise. The Tottenham riots will look like a family day in the park.

A bunch of badly dressed middle class Muppets will continue to waft hither and yon protesting, spouting shite and getting right on my tits.

The Queens Jubilee will be marked by her horse Carlton House winning the Derby.

One ARRSE member will get done for a horrible crime and drop the ARRSE in it. "Posting on the ARRSE as Fluffybunkins Smith engaged in sick fantasies even claiming to have Madeline McCann in his torture dungeon".

I will become rich beyond the dreams of avarice.
The Olympics will be the Best ever.
Prince Philip will depart this mortal coil
There will riots\coup in one or all of the following Greece\Spain\Italy
Iran will kick off and the UN will be unable to decide what to do.
Pete Doherty finally does jail time.

The euro starts crumbling after the new Military Junta in Greece gives the fingers to the EU and starts to spurge on new tanks/ planes/ ships etc. Military Courts start executing members of the former socialist government for high treason and coruption.

The X Factor is finally binned - only aspiring MOBO divas from Peckham care.

The coalition splits Election is called and CMD is forced into another coalition, this time with UKIP. Nick Clegg gets a European Reconstruction job after losing his seat, Simon Hughes becomes the boss of Stonewall, Cable is taken away by the men in white coats and Huhne becomes the team Captain in an open prison debating society.

Peter Andre finally goes back to Australia - hopefully.

Jeremy Clarkson sued for divorce and doesn't care. Goes on binge for a year with film crew - movie becomes Christmas hit.

Werritty and Fox Management Services established. Nuptials annpounced by a gushing Elton John who is the Best Man.

Archbishop of Canterbury does something really bizzare - a certainty.

Taliban declare victory in Afghanistan as NATO withdraws under fire.

London Underground Tube Drivers agree £100,000 pay deal with TFL.

Olympics are a total failure as clampers demand payments for team minibuses in London. Boris writes an angry article about it ....... then pays on behalf of the teams.

William Hague gets engaged to a nice young man called Tarquin and Ffion gets her own chat show " Bitter and Twisted Ex-Wives Club".

Prince Harry fathers love child to tattoed waitress.

Mike Tindall finally gets caught, Zara tramples him to death at Badminton and becomes the first Royal in living memory to get bird.

CMD raise the upper rate of tax to 60% - all financial services, pop stars, sports stars and entrepreneurs move to France after the French do a U turn and ignore the Tobin tax.
The major incident response plan for the Olympics will be put into action...and I will be about 4,000 miles upwind! :)
-Liz to wander into the sky potentially before the jubilee, with it becoming a memorial event (this also kicks off republican activity in Australia and Canada with referendums on losing the monarchy as head of state)

-Euro to collapse and the area end up even more in debt to China

-Putin brings together his Eur-Asian union in effect creating a capitalist USSR moving towards a common currency of the rouble.

-The world doesn't end on 12/12/12 to the disappointment of a generic American 'pastor' who has already predicted the apocalypse 5 times in the last 3 weeks.

-1st child born to Wills & Kate, male.
I predict that 2012 will be a leap year. So how will use your extra day? As a clue, I also predict that it will be a Wednesday and a payday too.
A dozen or so safe predictions from me:

1. The world financial system will be in crisis. The bankers will award themselves a huge pay rise.

2. Britain's economy will be on the rocks. Workers will be asked to take pay cuts or face redundancy. Company directors will award themselves record pay rises.

3. The government will tell us that public expenditure needs to be cut. MP's will award themselves substantial pay rises.

4. Britain's Olympic hopefuls will return "disappointing" results. The sports organising bodies will seek to attract talent by giving their bosses large pay rises

5. Politicians will talk about peace and progress. Squaddies will die or get maimed.

6. Record floods/droughts/heatwaves/snowfall will fill the news. The American oil companies will maintain there is no evidence for climate change.

7. Energy prices will rise. Energy companies will make even more profit.

8. Immensely rich footballers will shag pretty girls and newspapers will pretend to be shocked.

9. Rugby players will get drunk and do politically incorrect things and newspapers will pretend to be shocked.

10. Cricketers will accept bribes to fix games only of interest to Chinese gambling syndicates.

11. Britain's defences will be cut to pre-1066 levels and politicians will talk about enhanced capability to co-operate with our European partners.

12. China will advance one step further in its plan for global domination by 2050.
Yanks, Aussies and Kiwis enter talks for a Pan Pacific dollar to capitalise on a collapsed euro. However, the APacDollar is based on true fundamentals like Austrailan resources and become the worlds reserve currency.

Living standards in Europe drop as the APac Economic Community establishes preferred trading status with China and German manufacturing ( the backbone of European exports) is starved of resources.
During the 2012 Olympics, an Iranian Revolutionary Guard Qud's Force unit detonates a Suitcase Nuke, killing thousands of innocent people. And a load of politicians.:twisted:
During the 2012 Olympics, an Iranian Revolutionary Guard Qud's Force unit detonates a Suitcase Nuke, killing thousands of innocent people. And a load of politicians.:twisted:
Does that mean that the tickets I got for the 100m final may not be as valuable as I first thought?
Does that mean that the tickets I got for the 100m final may not be as valuable as I first thought?
FFS, do I have to think of everything? Just make sure you're at a safe distance, then flog the tickets on EBay to anyone who wants to be an, "Olympic Nuke Walt".

"Yeah, I was working undercover with MI5 when the Bomb went off. I keep the tickets we were issued as part of our cover, to remember the good men and women who were too close to the Blast...I don't like to talk about it..."

Job's a good 'un.:thumright:

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