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2006 ARRSE Royal British Legion Poppy Appeal Auction

#1
Guys,
Last year members of this site raised £1000 towards the RBL Poppy Appeal by bidding for items that were very kindly donated by our sponsors. Its our intention to run another auction but hopefully we will be a bit better organised this time.

I've written to most of the sponsors to ask them for auction items and am hopeful of a positive response. In the meantime, what can you do to help:

1. If you've got anything that may be appropriate to be auctioned then please drop us an email at auctions@arrse.co.uk.

2. Last time a lot of people complained that they weren't even aware the auction was going on so please keep this thread on the front page by bumping it!

More info to follow in due course.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#5
DozyBint said:
Cuts, what about a photo of you wearing RTFQ's DPM thong as an item to go under the hammer? :D
I never cease to be surprised by the depths of perversion that people can sink to, but this is just sick even by your standards Dozy.
Luckily I cannot fulfill this oddball suggestion even if I became so depraved as to countenance it.


When the item arrived the postie was taken seriously ill and a team of specialists clad in heavy duty biohazard suits with breathing apparatus lifted the package from it's cloud of thick toxic vapour and encased it in a lead box.

This hermetically sealed container was subsequently cast in armoured concrete and sent strapped to a Rover under cover of an appropriately named Mars exploration mission. The mercifully unmanned vehicle buried the concrete block about two hundred feet below the surface of the now renamed Green Planet.



You can make out the area in which the concrete block was buried by the scabs on the left of the photograph where bubbles of the unidentifiable gas given off by the revolting item had eaten their way through the protective laters and then altered the very structure of the planet.

So there will be no perverted acts being photographed from this c/s.
(Well not for the auction anyway.)


On another note, I could be tempted to be photographed in Cait's thong which I purchased on last years auction, but MDN has so far not sent them on, preferring to sit before his pc sucking a Ginsters pasty through the gusset.
I feel I have been robbed by a Blackpool pikey.

I know that any package of undies from Fatboy would have to be dealt with in a similar manner to RTFQ's, as the Do_nut would only forward the rods after an evening on curry & Guinness then doing bollocky lunges until he followed through.
 
#7
Cuts lies.

In an effort to increase his success with women (i.e. to bring the word consent into his lovelife) he wears my special keks whenever he's on the pull. Trouble is, as MDN would no doubt put it, he's not packing enough "heat" in the groinal area to fill the material. As a result it looks like he's wearing a deflated dpm football as underwear, so even if he finds a woman willing to come back to his nazi memorabilia-filled bedroom, they laugh so hard when he strips off that he has to plate them with his genuine SS issue entrenching tool before they wake the voices up again. It seems he's doomed to a life of violence and hastily improvised lubrication no matter what...
 
#9
How's about a RBL ARRSE Medal, with nearly 20,000 members at £2 a shot could be a nice little earner.......................

BUMP.
 
#13
BigRed said:
How's about a RBL ARRSE Medal, with nearly 20,000 members at £2 a shot could be a nice little earner.......................

BUMP.
A nice idea and one that we'd love to do. The biggest problem is the difficulty in collecting 20,000 lots of £2 though. Paypal would charge us about 25p for each one and there is no other way of doing it without creating vast amounts of work for someone (probably GCO and me!).
 
#14
BCO, you have probably already thought of this but trying sending a letter out to various companies, big sports clubs, celebs, restaurants, theatres and places like that. You would be amazed at the amount of things that can get donated.

If i still had access to a free phone line I would phone around and blag stuff for you, I don't at the moment but I will see what I can do.
 
#15
jest265 said:
BCO, you have probably already thought of this but trying sending a letter out to various companies, big sports clubs, celebs, restaurants, theatres and places like that. You would be amazed at the amount of things that can get donated.

If i still had access to a free phone line I would phone around and blag stuff for you, I don't at the moment but I will see what I can do.
And on the same theme - is it worth enlisting the help of the great and the good who visit this site as a means of enhancing their, ahem, research into articles which subsequently find their way into our dailies? A few judicious words from the onside profession of journalists in their erudite publications might just work a few wonders as well.

It's for an outstanding cause and I'm sure that at a time when Her Majesty's Forces are working at full pelt both on the battlefield and in cyberspace our friends from the Press may also get a good story!
 
#16
BUMP

Also have a look at the RBL patrons, they usually have a few celebs / generous people who can donate things or give free publicity.

Give the RBL a ring and see if they can suggest anybody or get a nice little advert asking for donations on their site. Charities are usually quite good at helping out with events like this and have people employed to do it.
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#18
Duracell the Dwarf said:
Cuts lies.

In an effort to increase his success with women (i.e. to bring the word consent into his lovelife) he wears my special keks whenever he's on the pull. Trouble is, as MDN would no doubt put it, he's not packing enough "heat" in the groinal area to fill the material. As a result it looks like he's wearing a deflated dpm football as underwear, so even if he finds a woman willing to come back to his nazi memorabilia-filled bedroom, they laugh so hard when he strips off that he has to plate them with his genuine SS issue entrenching tool before they wake the voices up again. It seems he's doomed to a life of violence and hastily improvised lubrication no matter what...
Had I wanted to attract an oversized warthog with an inoperative olfactory sense and a pechant for carrion, I might have considered having the biohazard team leave the concrete slab on the veldt for the briefest of moments, but my conscience as a lifelong conservationist & bunny-hugger would not allow the wholesale suicide of the remaining wildlife on the continent.

Your purile comment about 'heat' is, (as you know from personal experience when you invited me to an Essex campsite,) as full of holes as your story of 'amnesia' from your evening with the leather-clad hobo in darkest London.
"A deflated DPM football" ? By football I imagine you mean soccer, and not being an afficionado of this pasttime I can only hazard a guess as to the size of the sphere concerned, but I think the description we both heard at Raul's was "It's like two sacks of spuds behind an oil drum, keep away !" which was where the girls' limit of English kicked in & they then shrieked the Spanish translation of the famous Shakespeare quote, "Get thee hence to a doris built like the Blackwall Tunnel !"

The fact remains that you quite happily minced around in your Action Man's discarded undercrackers, strutting your stuff in front of a Jnr Razzman while dreaming of the time when some big boys would do a wet job on Barbie & your partnership with Ken could be blessed by a renegade Anglican skypilot with a dan grade in Hide-the-Candle.

Gollum's smaller sibling said:
It seems he's doomed to a life of violence and hastily improvised lubrication no matter what...
You say that like it's a bad thing.
:(
 

elovabloke

ADC
Moderator
#19
Try our political leaders (really) and ask them to donate bottles of House of Commons wine/port etc signed. You might be amazed at the responce. I,m sure one of the arrsers at the top of the food chain could do the begging. Give them something to do.
 

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