174,000 illegals to be removed from Britiain

#2
I confidently predict that as a result of Captiva's efforts/help, rather than 174,000 that will actually be removed, the figure will be closer to zero.

In fairness to Captiva, much of the failure will be due to factors beyond their control.
 
#3
They have got to be having a laugh the only way of geting rid of them is as soon as the twats are caught stick them on a plan. If you hold them over night they will claim some human right and get away again.
 
#4
Crapita will sub-contract it out to G4S who won't have enough staff so they'll employ and train a load of people to do it who won't turn up for work and then................
 
#5
Crapita will sub-contract it out to G4S who won't have enough staff so they'll employ and train a load of people to do it who won't turn up for work and then................
...well there are plenty of illegals to make up the numbers, cash in hand and the problem is sorted.
 
#7
I can safely predict these 174,000 can sleep soundly in their beds as Crapita get paid £Millions of taxpayers money to fail to find their own arse.
 
M

Mr_Tigger

Guest
#8
Crapita could not find their own bottoms. This won't be a problem for them since they get paid the same if they find 1 or 174,000. My guess is in a year we will watch a news article saying they have found less the 500 and Jon Snow will demand a Full Public Enquiry.

...450 of which will be grated leave to remain after going before a court.
 
#10
Crapita will sub-contract it out to G4S who won't have enough staff so they'll employ and train a load of people to do it who won't turn up for work and then................
Martial Law. The Army will assume responsibility and just put the feckers up against a wall. Saves on travel costs.

Hopefully, jihadists from Birmingham and London etc will be accorded the same treatment, even if they do claim British Nationality
 
M

Mr_Tigger

Guest
#11
I have a cheaper idea: Call a national amnesty, set up centres where they can register for a card which entitles them to benefits. Mass arrests. Put it large wooden horse. Make diplomatic gift to France.
 
#12
The SLA will probably say that to achieve the full bonus, they have to contact and try to enforce about 5% this figure PA but will virtually remove no one. They'll blame the Immigration service, UKBA & Margaret Thatcher for non-cooperation and will pleasd poverty and overspends due to dealing with the Governmental bureacracy and so will demand more cash to fufill the pittance KPI's of the contract.

So, we'll pay Crapita to do not a lot and blame everyone else. They'll put more pressure on the already under-funded Immigration service and the UKBA but in the mean time will make huge profits

Strangely, their shares today are the highest they've been for 18 months. Triples all round
 
#13
You could sort out the illegal immigrant problem in six months.

1 - work out how much it costs to deport one of them.

2 - halve this figure.

3 - offer this half-cost sum as a bounty to anyone who turns one of the buggers in.
 
#14
Crapita could not find their own bottoms. This won't be a problem for them since they get paid the same if they find 1 or 174,000. My guess is in a year we will watch a news article saying they have found less the 500 and Jon Snow will demand a Full Public Enquiry.

...450 of which will be grated leave to remain after going before a court.
...and the other fifty will have done a runner having been told by the police/whoever to make their own way to the airport.
 
#16
The SLA will probably say that to achieve the full bonus, they have to contact and try to enforce about 5% this figure PA but will virtually remove no one. They'll blame the Immigration service, UKBA & Margaret Thatcher for non-cooperation and will pleasd poverty and overspends due to dealing with the Governmental bureacracy and so will demand more cash to fufill the pittance KPI's of the contract.

So, we'll pay Crapita to do not a lot and blame everyone else. They'll put more pressure on the already under-funded Immigration service and the UKBA but in the mean time will make huge profits

Strangely, their shares today are the highest they've been for 18 months. Triples all round
While at the same time the government can pacify the (getting louder all the time) public disquiet about illegal immigration by saying that they have spent and additional £40million on the problem and appoint a couple of czars (or whatever the latest load of bollocks is called) to ensure that something is done.

Money for your mates and a quiescent voting public. Nice.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#17
Crapita could not find their own bottoms. This won't be a problem for them since they get paid the same if they find 1 or 174,000. My guess is in a year we will watch a news article saying they have found less the 500 and Jon Snow will demand a Full Public Enquiry.

...450 of which will be grated leave to remain after going before a court.
The other 50 will be bribed to leave, be back in a week with a new identity.
I suppose no politicians have interests in this company?
Do Police have some ability to arrest and check people's identities?
 
#18
Crapita could not find their own bottoms. This won't be a problem for them since they get paid the same if they find 1 or 174,000. My guess is in a year we will watch a news article saying they have found less the 500 and Jon Snow will demand a Full Public Enquiry.

...450 of which will be grated leave to remain after going before a court.
Not if you actually read the article:
"Capita will be paid for the number of people they make contact with, and leave, and that's purely on a payment by results basis. If nobody leaves because they make contact with them, nobody will get paid."

And these 174,000 are purely the ones that have applied to stay in UK but told no and****ed off. I wonder how many just come in and don't apply to stay but just disappear into the mass?
 
#19
The other 50 will be bribed to leave, be back in a week with a new identity.
I suppose no politicians have interests in this company?
Do Police have some ability to arrest and check people's identities?
Which is why the Border agency should be taking finger prints/iris scans to stop them re-appearing on the return leg of the flight from Lagos etc

Not if you actually read the article:
"Capita will be paid for the number of people they make contact with, and leave, and that's purely on a payment by results basis. If nobody leaves because they make contact with them, nobody will get paid."

And these 174,000 are purely the ones that have applied to stay in UK but told no and****ed off. I wonder how many just come in and don't apply to stay but just disappear into the mass?
Mind you might not be hard for capita to find them after all they mine data on a massive scale. If it was me i'd pan the job out to one of those shitty debt collection agencies who would go after them hammer and tongs.
 
#20
Stupid question, but why don't the Border Agency find the ******* and kick them out?
The Border Agency seem these days to see the policing of borders as beneath them. They're there to manage the policing of borders, not actually do it.

If it's been sent from my HTC Sensation using Tapatalk then I'm probably pissed.
 

Similar threads

New Posts

Latest Threads

Top