12 inch pianist

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by spuddles, Sep 13, 2010.

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  1. Man walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me two pink gins please, one for me and one for my little friend here." With that he pulls out a little 12 inches tall man from his pocket.
    The bartender says, "Wow! And you mean to say he can drink that much?" "Oh, sure. He can drink it all," So the bartender poured the two gins. Sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
    "That's amazing," says the bartender. "What else can he do? Can he walk?" His new friend flicks a coin down to the end of the bar .The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the coin , and runs back down and gives it back. The bartender is totally amazed . " OK what else can he do? "
    "He plays this piano" and from his inside pocket he produces a perfect minature piano. The little guy sits down and plays beautifully. "Amazing, Where's he from?"
    " It's a long story, but on my travels I met an old Wizard , we travelled together for several days when we were crossing a frozen lake he fell in and I had to pull him out. He was so grateful he granted me a wish for saving his life..... he must have misheard me , I asked for a 12 inch penis.


    (apologies to blue army.)
     
  2. man goes to a horse racing meeting at ascot never seems to have much luck though but walking along spota a palm reading tent 5pound ago and decides to have a go to see if it helps his luck.
    she reply cross my palm with paper and i will seek the answer you look for and the answer is how many buttons do you have on your shirt
    the man replys 8
    put all your money on horse number 8 in the next race reluctently only put half his money on it and romps home at 10-1
    decides to pay her another visit
    she asks how many buttons on you trousers none he replys its only a zip
    she the asks okay then how long is your zip
    about 6inches
    put your all your money on horse number 6 in the next race right enough horse number 6 won
    by this time the man was getting gready for success and goes back for one last bet in the last race and asks her who will win the last race
    she replys how can i help you you have used all your buttons and your zip the man replys ther is got be something
    she replys tell you what how long is your pirck
    he replys 12inches there you go then put it number twelve in the last race
    10mins later storms into her tent and says i thought you said horse number 12 would win i put all my money on it and it lost
    she replys you shouldnt have lied about the size of your dcik the