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12 Days of Christmas - The Emperor Mongs Challenge

#1
The Emperor Mong wishes it to be know that he has been struck with a dose of Christmas Spirit.

And so it is that I have a challenge for you peons, you who are so easily swayed by my words whispered in your ears.

I command you to put on your thinking caps, and come up with some verses to complete a well known song. To he or she who contributes what I, and I alone, decide to be the best line, I 'promise' not to visit you and exert my will over you for a full 12 months.

So, to start you off:

On the first day of Mongness, the Emperor said to me "Go on, have just one more pint in the Old Pear Tree"

TREMBLE IN FEAR OF MY WRATH, FOR I HAVE WROTE

(edited after my strong Mong-field turned in on itself!)
 
#3
-------------------"--------------------- ...three French Whores...
 
#4
Four willing birds
 
#13
11 calls to JPAC.
 
#14
Emperor_Mong said:
Curses be upon you Artemis, for you shall know my wrath.
You did remember to order that turkey didn't you?
She doesn't do turkey, but will accept a quick "goose" if you ask nicely.
 
#15
Emperor_Mong said:
On the first day of Mongness, the Emperor sang to me "Go on, have just one more pint in the Old Pear Tree"
On the 2nd day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me
Two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the Old Pear Tree

On the 3rd day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me
3 Chubbs a hanging, two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 4th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me 4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 5th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
Bernoulli killed LNV.....eeee.
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 6th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
6 Flash's a banning, Bernoulli killed LNV...... (LNV)
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 7th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........ (there's more)

On the 8th day of Mongness, the Emperor sang to me,
8 Biscuits dances Flatley (diddley dee)
7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........
Fcuk me theres more...

On the 9th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 10th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 11th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
11 web site trashings, 10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 12th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
12% troups a'quitting, 11 web site trashings, 10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

Repeat until flaked out :wink:
 
#16
MrsDarthspud said:
Emperor_Mong said:
On the first day of Mongness, the Emperor sang to me "Go on, have just one more pint in the Old Pear Tree"
On the 2nd day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me
Two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the Old Pear Tree

On the 3rd day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me
3 Chubbs a hanging, two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 4th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me, give me 4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, two Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 5th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
Bernoulli killed LNV.....eeee.
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 6th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
6 Flash's a banning, Bernoulli killed LNV...... (LNV)
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree.

On the 7th day of mongness the Emperor sang to me,
7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........ (there's more)

On the 8th day of Mongness, the Emperor sang to me,
8 Biscuits dances Flatley (diddley dee)
7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........
Fcuk me theres more...

On the 9th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 10th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 11th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
11 web site trashings, 10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

On the 12th day of mongness the emperor sang to me,
12% troups a'quitting, 11 web site trashings, 10 Slugs a singing, 9 naafi threads, 8 Biscuits dancing, 7 porno bank drafts, 6 Flash's a banning, Bernie killed LNV....eee..
4 pints of Aunty, 3 Chubbs a hanging, 2 Gunny's dancing and one more pint in the old pear tree........

Repeat until flaked out :wink:
That's brilliant, my luvverrrr :lol: :lol:
 
#18
Borrowed from this website"Christmas Jokes" Neither of which are a patch on Mrs darthspuds submission of pure class.

The Twelve Days After Christmas


The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite

Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup

The four calling birds were a big mistake
For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake
and turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found
The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned
(I think there's a "my true love gave to me" in here somewhere)

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up the
Eight maids-a-milking
Nine ladies dancing
Ten lords-a-leaping
Eleven pipers piping
Twelve drummers drumming - well, actually I kept one of the drummers -
And sent them back collect

I wrote my true love
"We are through, love!"
And I said in so many words
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the
(Soprani) Birds!"

(Everyone else) Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree!"
and

The 12 Days Of Christmas (For the politically correct)


On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw
red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge
have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been
revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
 

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