1001 ways to p.iss off the French...

#1
Tally ho! I'm off to France tonight [well technically the small hours of tommorow] to admire, and stupidly enough, walk over Les Alpes...

So, first on my kit list is a Feck Orf Big Union Jack with "come to London - 2012" written in pink letters. (The French respond to pink I am told...)

Secondly a portable speaker system pumping out God Save The Queen and Rule Brittania for the delight of the old Frog.

Of course I'm taking all expected accessories like a James Bond style parachute and red, white and blue cam-cream.

Anyway, my imagination runs out there. Your suggestions please. What are the best ways to really make the Grenouille's blood boil with the nearest French comparison to patriotism...?

Onwards with the French-bashing comrades! :lol:
 
#2
Plenty of red wine which is available locally to wash your feet with after a long days march, it might not do much for your feet, but it will certainly p1ss off the French, especially when you reply when asked 'well thats all it's good for'

Sparky.
 
#3
Don't forget tins of baked beans and pot noodles. Local scoff is just not up to the job.

Oh, and if you have difficulty communicating, speak 'S L O W L Y and L O U D L Y !' That always does the trick.
 
#4
When in restaurants always send your food back demanding that it be cooked properly, then when you do recieve it ask the waiter for some ketchup (or brown sauce but if they have that then they expect this) and cover your food masking any flavour left in it.
 
#6
Study the wine-list for some minutes, then ask the waiter if those are all wine sorts they offer. After his "oui" order a coke.
 
#9
Tell them that you are really looking forward to getting to the Italian/Swiss side as you heard that the scenery is so much nicer over there. And the wine. And the food....mmmmmm.

:lol:
 
#11
Ask them if they enjoyed the history lessons, back in school, about Agincourt and Crecy as much as you did. Oh, and Waterloo, of course. Not to forget Trafalgar.
 
#12
Ask for things in German in the shops.
 
#13
Get an older relative to say "well it's ok but the place was much nicer when the germans were in charge"
 
#14
Ask them if horse meat is better than British Lamb, upon the reply "but of course sir" laugh at him loudly and ask for a Bratwurst (the German sausage).
 
#15
When eating in a restaurant, insist on having British beef, adding that BSE improves the flavour
 
#16
Good plans here.... BSE certainly adds a certain zest not found in continental cr.ap.


And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
 
#17
reassuringly_badgers said:
And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
Put a huge neon-coloured sticker across saying "I am NOT a terrorist" and "NON, Je ne suis pas un terrorist" (or something similar, my French is rudimentary these days). I bet that helps. :lol:
 
#18
reassuringly_badgers said:
Good plans here.... BSE certainly adds a certain zest not found in continental cr.ap.


And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
You've gotta get out of England with it first mate.
 
#19
Ask if they noticed the 'Rainbow Warrior' was back in Auckland last month :twisted:
 
#20
Wear a "Boycott France" T-shirt into a restaurant. Order a kosher hot dog and freedom fries. Ask for some California wine. Then ask directions to Disneyland.
 

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