• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

1001 ways to p.iss off the French...

#1
Tally ho! I'm off to France tonight [well technically the small hours of tommorow] to admire, and stupidly enough, walk over Les Alpes...

So, first on my kit list is a Feck Orf Big Union Jack with "come to London - 2012" written in pink letters. (The French respond to pink I am told...)

Secondly a portable speaker system pumping out God Save The Queen and Rule Brittania for the delight of the old Frog.

Of course I'm taking all expected accessories like a James Bond style parachute and red, white and blue cam-cream.

Anyway, my imagination runs out there. Your suggestions please. What are the best ways to really make the Grenouille's blood boil with the nearest French comparison to patriotism...?

Onwards with the French-bashing comrades! :lol:
 
#2
Plenty of red wine which is available locally to wash your feet with after a long days march, it might not do much for your feet, but it will certainly p1ss off the French, especially when you reply when asked 'well thats all it's good for'

Sparky.
 
#3
Don't forget tins of baked beans and pot noodles. Local scoff is just not up to the job.

Oh, and if you have difficulty communicating, speak 'S L O W L Y and L O U D L Y !' That always does the trick.
 
#4
When in restaurants always send your food back demanding that it be cooked properly, then when you do recieve it ask the waiter for some ketchup (or brown sauce but if they have that then they expect this) and cover your food masking any flavour left in it.
 
#9
Tell them that you are really looking forward to getting to the Italian/Swiss side as you heard that the scenery is so much nicer over there. And the wine. And the food....mmmmmm.

:lol:
 
#11
Ask them if they enjoyed the history lessons, back in school, about Agincourt and Crecy as much as you did. Oh, and Waterloo, of course. Not to forget Trafalgar.
 
#14
Ask them if horse meat is better than British Lamb, upon the reply "but of course sir" laugh at him loudly and ask for a Bratwurst (the German sausage).
 
#16
Good plans here.... BSE certainly adds a certain zest not found in continental cr.ap.


And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
 
#17
reassuringly_badgers said:
And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
Put a huge neon-coloured sticker across saying "I am NOT a terrorist" and "NON, Je ne suis pas un terrorist" (or something similar, my French is rudimentary these days). I bet that helps. :lol:
 
#18
reassuringly_badgers said:
Good plans here.... BSE certainly adds a certain zest not found in continental cr.ap.


And while we're at it... any tips for not getting shot while wearing feck orf big rucksacks across Paris underground....?
You've gotta get out of England with it first mate.
 
#20
Wear a "Boycott France" T-shirt into a restaurant. Order a kosher hot dog and freedom fries. Ask for some California wine. Then ask directions to Disneyland.
 

Latest Threads