100% Scottish

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by A_Knocker_Till_The_End, Jul 15, 2006.

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  1. Ye Ken Yer Scottish if...

    1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan Milngavie,
    Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake.
    2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie.
    3. Ye get four seasons in wan day.
    4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.
    5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink.
    6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories – pure class!
    7. Ye measure distance in minutes.
    8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.
    9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean.
    10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds.
    11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it.
    12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date.
    13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church/Chapel.
    14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.
    15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it.
    16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel.
    17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure.
    18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.
    19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals
    20. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard these
    words...
    how's it hingin

    clatty

    boggin

    cludgie

    pished

    get it up ye

    wee beasties

    arse bandit

    amurny

    away an bile yer heid

    peely-wally

    humphey backit

    Ba'-heid

    baw bag

    dubble nuggit

    Fit lyk min bam?
     
  2. I could cut that list down to 2:

    You know you're Scottish if:

    1. You have a huge chip on your shoulder about the English.
    2. If you’re unsure if you're Scottish, refer to number 1.


    Cue another English/Scottish slanging match..............
     
  3. hurrah :p :p :p :p
     
  4. You missed out "shoosh"
     
  5. The average Englishman in the home he calls his castle, slips into his national costume ~ a shabby raincoat ~ patented by chemist Charles Macintosh from Glasgow, Scotland.

    En route to his office he strides along the English lane, surfaced by John Macadam of Ayr, Scotland.

    He drives an English car fitted with tyres invented by John Boyd Dunlop of Dreghorn, Scotland.

    At the office he receives the mail bearing adhesive stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland.

    During the day he uses the telephone invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.

    At home in the evening his daughter pedals her bicycle invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, Blacksmith of Dumfries, Scotland.

    He watches the news on T.V., an invention of John Logie Baird of Helensburgh, Scotland and hears an item about the U.S. Navy, founded by John Paul Jones of Kirkbean, Scotland.

    He has by now been reminded too much of Scotland and in desperation he picks up the Bible, only to find that the first man mentioned in the good book is a Scot ~ King James VI ~ who authorised its translation.

    Nowhere can an Englishman turn to escape the ingenuity of the Scots.

    He could take to drink but the Scots make the best in the world.

    He could take a rifle and end it all but the breech~loading rifle was invented by Captain Patrick Ferguson of Pitfours, Scotland
    .
    If he escaped death, he could find himself on an operating table injected with penicillin, discovered by Alexander Fleming of Darvel, Scotland, and given an anaesthetic, discovered by Sir James Young Simpson of Bathgate, Scotland.

    Out of the anaesthetic he would find no comfort in learning that he was as safe as the Bank of England, founded by William Paterson of Dumfries, Scotland.

    Perhaps his only remaining hope would be to get a transfusion of guid Scottish blood which would entitle him to ask

    "WHA'S LIKE US"
     
  6. "yernopissinoanme"

    WTF does that mean?
     
  7. Awa n bile yir heed ya big streak o pish

    (constructive if nothing else!)
     
  8. I would imagine "You are in no way old chap going to release a bladder full of urine upon my person"
     
  9. Its not A Nation...its a State of mind!
    An Ah Dont Mind At ALL. :wink:
     
  10. Jocks, I shite em x

    I can't understand a word they say!!!

    Maheetmahootmaharrah is all I hear.
     

  11. hahahah..no...stop it....hahaha... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
     
  12. Ye Ken yer Scottish if:

    You have deep pockets and small hands
    Have a knack for dissapearing when it's your round
    you don't have a national footy team
     
  13. Oh.............. and you sound like a geordie but actually have an IQ
     
  14. in_the_cheapseats

    in_the_cheapseats LE Moderator

    I support the sentiments completely but will to use language our southern chippy brethern may understand:

    Fcuk off, kn0b :D

    See - Liz's comments are - both linguistically and acoustically , far more satisifying to the ear. There are benefits of being a Scot!

    I echo the sentiments

    Wha's like us?
     
  15. "I don't hate the English. They're just wánkers. We're colonised by wánkers. We can't even pick a decent, healthy culture to be colonised by. No—we're ruled by effete arseholes! What does that make us?"

    Renton - Trainspotting, written by Leith man himself, Irvine Welsh...