10 Weeks until Christmas 2020, let the shopping commence!!

[Steamboat]

Orders already issued to Mrs B and family

1. Tell me what you need

2. That is not "want"

3. I will not buy more useless crap nor something else that will sit unused 364 days of year

4. Send me the details and I shall pass judgement

5. Not available online? Not going to happen.

6. Here is what I need

Sadly Mrs B drives herself (and me) nuts every year buying "suitable" gifts for her sisters friends and work colleagues then wraps them in expensive paper with an uncanny degree of precision.

Her sisters and a few friends make an effort but mostly gets mountains of utter shit in return

I asked my parents for a pair of trainers, a new pair of jeans, and some 9mm. I am the easy kid.

 

[Lardbeast]

Oh my, I bet you can fit a nice bottle in your new murse.

Don’t tell me you are one or those sugar addicted adults who consumes Smirnoff Ice like a sorority girl.

Wouldn't even touch it with your sperm choked throat. Foul stuff. Cocoa made strong with little sugar, dash of milk and a shot of rum for flavour.

Murse contains deg treats, bowl strapped to the outside, biltong, bush knife, FAK, paracord and carabiner and water for degs. You wouldn't like it - no frilly bits and no make up mirror.

 

[Steamboat]

Wouldn't even touch it with your sperm choked throat. Foul stuff. Cocoa made strong with little sugar, dash of milk and a shot of rum for flavour.

Murse contains deg treats, bowl strapped to the outside, biltong, bush knife, FAK, paracord and carabiner and water for degs. You wouldn't like it - no frilly bits and no make up mirror.

Only a shot? My god man, do you colour in books and order from the children’s menu when you go out? It should be an 80/20 mix of rum to children’s beverage.

You have a murse and I have a truck. They do the same things, only I can fit my dogs in it as well.

 

[WhiskeyTango]

Is this a good time to inform all that despite being profoundly middle aged, i like smirnoff ice?

 

[Steamboat]

Is this a good time to inform all that despite being profoundly middle aged, i like smirnoff ice?

To each his own. But Lardbeast is a bit of a humanitarian at heart, and wears pink.

 

[Lardbeast]

Only a shot? My god man, do you colour in books and order from the children’s menu when you go out? It should be an 80/20 mix of rum to children’s beverage.

You have a murse and I have a truck. They do the same things, only I can fit my dogs in it as well.

Away with your alcoholic dribbling. I have a 35 year old bakkie, which is the manly version of the shiny gaylord chariots you lot use in a desperate attempt to disguise your flaccid button mushrooms as anything but the embarrassment they are. Vulcan the wolf loved it before he passed, and would sit next to me like a boss checking out the bitches when we went to the brewery for a pint.

What is this pink of which you speak, Fauntleroy? Is it anything like khaki?

As for being humanitarian, they taste like pork.

Allegedly...

 

[endure]

Only a shot? My god man, do you colour in books and order from the children’s menu when you go out? It should be an 80/20 mix of rum to children’s beverage.

You have a murse and I have a truck. They do the same things, only I can fit my dogs in it as well.

'colour'? Are you angling for a British passport?

 

[Steamboat]

'colour'? Are you angling for a British passport?

I would imagine being a deplorable from the heartland, would make me less than desirable for parts of your country. I think they would pick Syrians first.

 

[Steamboat]

Away with your alcoholic dribbling. I have a 35 year old bakkie, which is the manly version of the shiny gaylord chariots you lot use in a desperate attempt to disguise your flaccid button mushrooms as anything but the embarrassment they are. Vulcan the wolf loved it before he passed, and would sit next to me like a boss checking out the bitches when we went to the brewery for a pint.

What is this pink of which you speak, Fauntleroy? Is it anything like khaki?

As for being humanitarian, they taste like pork.

Allegedly...

A Bakkie huh? That sounds like slang for a floater that won’t flush. Your poor hound, the shame of sitting in a Toyota is what killed your poor poodle.

 

[Lardbeast]

How would you know, in your sequinned sperm absorbing felchmobile?

 

[Steamboat]

How would you know, in your sequinned sperm absorbing felchmobile?

Because I would be the one looking down upon you. We don’t like to count hubcaps here.

 

[Lardbeast]

So you'd be in a flamboyant lookatme felchmobile then.

 

[Steamboat]

So you'd be in a flamboyant lookatme felchmobile then.

If a Dodge Ram is flamboyant, then that would be me. But you can drive your old lady car and be the model cue tip with your cat beside you.

 

[Lardbeast]

Yup, definitely a screamer in your lookatme felchmobile. Give it up. We know they're driven by the insubstantial of sperm and noodly of arm.

Do you miss the ocean and renting your bottom to sailors, being in flyover country and all...?

 

[Steamboat]

Yup, definitely a screamer in your lookatme felchmobile. Give it up. We know they're driven by the insubstantial of sperm and noodly of arm.

Do you miss the ocean and renting your bottom to sailors, being in flyover country and all...?

Did you even manage to sire any offspring?

 

[triggerigger]

Is this a good time to inform all that despite being profoundly middle aged, i like smirnoff ice?

We celebrate your diversity if not your dignity cheers.

 

[triggerigger]

if we are coming out about dubious drinking habits this is my in the closet tipple

 

[Blogg]

I asked my parents for a pair of trainers, a new pair of jeans, and some 9mm. I am the easy kid.

Great they can pack it into a gift crate using this:


I didn't think much around Christmas could piss me off any more, but that really does.