0% In an exam !

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by A Worker, Jan 8, 2012.

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  1. STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


    I would have given him 100%

    Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
    * his last battle

    Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
    * at the bottom of the page

    Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
    * liquid

    Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
    * marriage

    Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
    * exams

    Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
    * Lunch & dinner

    Q7. What looks like half an apple?
    * The other half

    Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
    * It will simply become wet

    Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
    * No problem, he sleeps at night.

    Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
    * You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

    Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
    * Very large hands

    Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
    * No time at all, the wall is already built.

    Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    *Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.


    Some bloody good answers there. Obviously not the answers the examiners didn't want to hear.



    Taken from; Oh what NOW!: STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
     
  2. Did you cut and paste that?
     
  3. I did and credits given, i thought it should be shared !
     
  4. This is completely fake..Just look at the first question!
     
  5. Good point, did he not die of syphilis? The dirty scutter.
     
  6. I'd have torn the examiner a new arsehole for asking question 1
     
  7. It’s the same as the old aircraft maintenance ones:

    Fault: Dead flies on canopy.
    Action: Live flies ordered.
    Fault: Port tyre almost at maximum wear point.
    Action: Port tyre almost changed.
    Fault: Whining in cockpit.
    Action: Pilot removed from cockpit.
    Etc
     
  8. University instructors get a lot of laughs from auto-correct in MS Word. I have a friend who is a lecturer in mediaeval history and received a paper in which each occurrence of the word "Ogham" (old Irish script) was replaced with "orgasm" as in "much has been learned from translation of orgasm stones' inscriptions"
     
  9. My all time favourite!
     

    Attached Files:

    • Like Like x 3
  10. I thought you got 2 points for your name and correct date. My exam results must be fake then.
     
  11. One of my nephews actually scored nil in his A Level Exam, he just froze and didn't answer a single question, poor young sod.
     
  12. bet he's good in a fight......
     
    • Like Like x 2
  13. I once covered myself in glory by getting 17% in a school Maths exam. I was made to retake it and got 13% the second time.

    I now have an MSc to my name but it's not in Maths...
     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
    Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
    Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
    Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
    Contestant: Leicester.


    [​IMG]
    PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
    Contestant: Er. . .
    Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
    Contestant: Blimey?
    Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
    Contestant: (Silence.)
    Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
    Contestant: Walked?

    BBC NORFOLK
    Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: I don't know.
    White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
    Contestant: Arm.
    White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
    Contestant: Strong.
    White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
    Contestant: Louis.
    White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
    Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


    LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
    Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?
    Contestant: France.
    Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
    Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
    Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
    Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
    Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
    Contestant: Paris.


    THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
    Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?
    Contestant: The Conservative Party.


    BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton
    DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
    Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?




     
  15. I have a pal who scored a single figure percentage on his Tiffy Maths exam. He didnt make it as a Tiffy but successfully transferred into the RAF as an Engineering Officer. Go figure!