0% In an exam !

#1
STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM


I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.


Some bloody good answers there. Obviously not the answers the examiners didn't want to hear.



Taken from; Oh what NOW!: STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM
 
#7
It’s the same as the old aircraft maintenance ones:

Fault: Dead flies on canopy.
Action: Live flies ordered.
Fault: Port tyre almost at maximum wear point.
Action: Port tyre almost changed.
Fault: Whining in cockpit.
Action: Pilot removed from cockpit.
Etc
 
#8
University instructors get a lot of laughs from auto-correct in MS Word. I have a friend who is a lecturer in mediaeval history and received a paper in which each occurrence of the word "Ogham" (old Irish script) was replaced with "orgasm" as in "much has been learned from translation of orgasm stones' inscriptions"
 
#13
I once covered myself in glory by getting 17% in a school Maths exam. I was made to retake it and got 13% the second time.

I now have an MSc to my name but it's not in Maths...
 
#14
BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.



PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. . .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence.)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?

BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)
Alex Trelinski: What's the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.


THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: Prison or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.


BEACON RADIO, Wolverhampton
DJ Mark: For £10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?




 
#15
I have a pal who scored a single figure percentage on his Tiffy Maths exam. He didnt make it as a Tiffy but successfully transferred into the RAF as an Engineering Officer. Go figure!
 
#18
A bit w*nky, and prob been done before, but the science geeks might like this.


Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997. Dr. Schambaugh is known for asking questions such as, “why do airplanes fly?” on his final exams. His one and only final exam question in May 1997 for his Momentum, Heat and Mass Transfer II class was: “Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof.”

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

“First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, “that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you” and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true…Thus, hell is exothermic.”
 
#19
It’s the same as the old aircraft maintenance ones:

Fault: Dead flies on canopy.
Action: Live flies ordered.
Fault: Port tyre almost at maximum wear point.
Action: Port tyre almost changed.
Fault: Whining in cockpit.
Action: Pilot removed from cockpit.
Etc
I love those!

IFF inoperable.
IFF always inoperable in OFF mode.

Autopilot in altutude hold mode results in 400 FPM descent
Unable to recreate problem on ground

Test flight OK, autoland a little rough
Autoland not fitted to this aircraft
 
#20
I do have an ice breaker video clip that I used to use during my lessons:

Interviewer, to the male partner out of earshot of the female partner: Where is the most unusual place you’ve had sex?
Male partner: On the kitchen table.
Interviewer, to the female partner in front of the male partner: Where is the most unusual place you have had sex?
Female partner looks sheepishly at the male partner.
Male partner: It’s OK you can tell her!
Female partner: In the Ass!
 

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