“That” dammed question why again ( rant)

#1
Rant on,

Went to a dinner party tonight (last night) most of the company acceptable apart for one diner ( middle aged middle class / respectable / middle management type ) who during the course of the evening worked his way round to me and during coffee asked it , “the question” ,why oh shagging why do they ( civvi knobs ) do it.

For nearly a year I have had a reasonable life, sleeping at night like a baby ( yeah I know waking up screaming wanting either a clean nappy or a tit ! ) things have gone well, life has been bearable, little problems have never become a drama, and work has been wonderful.

Until now.
I went to bed slightly troubled by that singular event of the evening, I cant get to sleep, I have had the demons back …. I’m annoyed
I am in my office / den / shitehole I don’t want to go back to bed it’s a scarey place now.

“That “ question ?

“Tell me WW have you ever killed anyone ? “ WTF ! If I could I would have floored him , but I cant. I wasn’t mentally quick enough for a suitable riposte either.

Rant off.

I’ve never been one for the 1000 yard stare or unable to commence violence ,
In hindsight what would have been a suitable response either verbal or physical ?

WW
 
#2
:D a good reply would be "no-one that I liked" and then leave him guessing

I had someone at a similar event who was convinced I was ex SAS - I had done nothing to encourage this - I'm an old sapper and very proud of it - but the more I denied it, the more he gave me the "knowing wink"

I was actually knocking his daugter off at the time and brought up the old anecdote of the SAS getting in and out without anyone knowing, he calmed down after that!
 
#3
Possible replies:

"What, today?"

"Only fukkers who ask me that question"

"Not sure, but artillery strikes are like that"

"What do you think you're eating right now"

"I'll have to consult with my legal team before answering that"

"Course I have, that's how you pass basic"

"Well there was that slapper who choked to death while trying to deep throat"

"Yup, I was Teddy Kennedy's chauffeur"

"No, I was in the Homeopathic regiment - we'd throw sugar pills at the enemy and tell them they were dead"

"I stood on a butterfly once which caused a hurricane in China"
 
#4
WW, I have had that question thrown at me.....I simply state "yeah Just babies".......they cant look at me after that......fecking cocks
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
Well, I was drunk at the wheel once, but can't remember exactly what happened. All I know is I went to jail for a bit . . . .

Why do you think I don't cook anymore?

Do you like snuff movies . . . I've made a couple if you're interested
 
#7
Or you could try the infamous:

Not yet. Best done while staring intently straight between the eyes while slowly moving into their personal space - not quite close enough to touch noses should do it. While smiling, make sure you say it at such a volume that no one else hears it.

Mind you I don't get asked out to these events all that much anymore.
 
#8
WTF? I ask my doc that every day - and i still ask at the end of the week - am i normal??

x0x
 
#9
The_Professor said:
Or you could try the infamous:

Not yet. Best done while staring intently straight between the eyes while slowly moving into their personal space - not quite close enough to touch noses should do it. While smiling, make sure you say it at such a volume that no one else hears it.

Mind you I don't get asked out to these events all that much anymore.
you're an excpert prof!!!
 
#10
Q. Tell me, have you ever killed anybody?

A. Why the Feck would you want to know something like that, you sick fecking weirdo.

SK
 
#14
Fcuk off and grow up said loudly normally works too
 
#15
would you like to see some pics of my last kill on my mobile :twisted: ?
Why you looking to hire a contract killer
I suppose if your of a suitable regiment you could challenge them to a duel so they can find out :twisted
 
#17
"Yes, I didn't defrost the chicken properly"

You have to say it with a deadpan face though.
 
#18
Say 'yes' then start to shudder and fidget uncontrollably muttering "I can't believe I did it...she just came out of nowhere...it was an accident dammit, an accident!" then grab their shoulders, look wildly into their eyes and say "an accident" in a loud, 'maniac cop' style whisper.

Then switch back to being completely normal, smile a big smile and ask them what they had for breakfast. They'll never ask anyone "that question" again!

Repeat as necessary :D
 
#19
and of course there's the reponse from Ronin....

'No.....but I hurt somebodies feelings once'

....I've said to much.....
 
#20
Thanks for the morale boosting replies, it did shake me somewhat.
Thinking back, I wish I had been able to produce the bayonet and mutter " its alright I wiped it clean, you wont get an infection." only two things stop me from doing that , I dont have it any more and it would look stupid gripping it between the teeth and trying an upward thrust ;)

brighton hippy
"would you like to see some pics of my last kill on my mobile "

In those days it was a girlie war artist wandering about......


WW
 

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