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The Matthews Family

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Revision as of 22:19, 5 December 2008 by Sam442 (talk | contribs) (typo)
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Paedo Mong

Current Royal Family of the Pikeys are the extended Matthews family (estimated at about 100,000 members) who live on the sink estate of Dewsbury Moor.

The Sad Tale

The Matthews' claim to the crown started with the alleged kidnapping of 9yr old Shannon Matthews. After a three-week search by West Yorkshire Police, the child was found hiding in a divan drawer in the house of Michael Donovan - the uncle of her mother's live-in cock! Things started to look iffy when Shannon was not immediately returned to her family.

All gone a bit Pete Tong

After a week or so Craig Meehan, the total mong of a boyfriend of Karen Matthews (the ugliest and oldest-looking 32yr old mother on the planet) and mother to Shannon, had been arrested for kiddy porn on his pc.

Within days Meehan's sister (Amanda Hyett) was arrested on suspicion of assisting an offender and his mother Alice Meehan was arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice. [Still with me?]

Shannon's mother Karen (mother of seven from five different fathers) - after breaking down in the back of a police car and confessing to knowledge of Shannon's whereabouts during the 'kidnapping' - was arrested for perverting the course of justice AND child neglect. She was locked up and not granted bail for her own safety after the mob started baying for her blood.

Her Royal Pikeyness

Then Amanda Hyett and Alice Meehan were re-arrested after having been bailed but to keep things fresh, Caroline Meehan (sister to Amanda and Karen's paedophile boyfriend Craig) was also arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice.

Running in parallel with the arrests were requests for money from the Madeleine McCann fund. One request to the fund was made by a man claiming to be a freelance journalist who was seeking money to help in the search for Shannon. There was a one-line email asking for money and finally someone claiming to be close to Shannon's mother turned up at the McCanns' door demanding money.

Michael Donovan [Remember him... the 'kidnapper'?] - also known as Paul Drake just to confuse things - had to be treated in hospital after committing what was described as 'serious self-harm' when he tried to slash his wrists in the nick.

The police have had to circulate flyers around the Dewsbury Moor scheme asking there be no vigilantism on the remaining un-arrested Matthews, now the non-Matthews pikeys realise they have been had. To complicate things yet further, residents of Dewsbury Moor have complained they have received threats that they are '... all going to get it once the police have gone'. [Seems hell hath no fury like a pikey led up the garden path.]

The final charge came months after the the above when Craig Meehan was charged with having a young (15yr old) girl's semi-nude piccie on his mobi phone. I guess they missed this one in all the excitement.

Debt to Society falling due

Karen Matthews will go on trial alongside Michael Donovan in a judicial 2fer now its believed they where in 'cahoots'. He is charged with Shannon's kidnapping and false imprisonment. She faces charges of child neglect and perverting the course of justice for "repeatedly concealing information" in relation to Shannon's whereabouts.

Dewsbury magistrates have cleared their calender for the next twelve months and it is expected that HMP Leeds will be opening the Matthews Wing before the end of the year - but not until the Matthews have wasted billions of taxpayer's cash on Legal Aid which they'll undoubtedly qualify for.

Early Results

On the 16th September 2008, Craig Meehan the fish-mong-er, live in cock of Shannon's mother was found guilty of child pornography charges and sentenced to 20 weeks in jail. Having spent having already spent 166 days, or 23 weeks, in jail on remand mostly for his own protection from the baying mob ... he was released. The judge noted it was clear that Meehan had lied repeatedly since his arrest. A lying pikey? Shurely shome mishtake!

The Main Event

The main trial got under way in early November 2008 with the prosecution (Hurrah) alleging that Shannon was kidnapped, by Karen Matthews and Michael Donovan, with the intention of holding her till the reward money reached an impressive level (£50k from the The Sun) then having Donovan 'find' her. This money would then be split. Shannon was kept drugged up (on Temazepam and Traveleeze travel sickness tablets) and tethered in Donovan's house when he went out.

Karen Matthews however denies that it was a kidnap for money. When confronted with Donovan's seeming guilt, she started babbling about how it was simply a botched attempt to leave the live in fish-mong-er Meehan. Donovan on the other hand when arrested babbled about how it was a scheme to get the reward money. In court under oath (like it matters to these scruff), he said he was threatened by Matthews who would have him beaten (perhaps knifed) if he didn't play his part in the 'kidnap' of which he wanted no part or share.

The next bizarre plot twist was that Matthews blamed the whole plot for the 50 grand reward money on Craig Meehan and Amanda Hyett. In addition to being a criminal mastermind (more Pinky than The Brain), Meehan had allegedly abused her repeatedly for 4 years but she had never left him or reported the abuse due to 'fear' (I assume that's the same 'fear' suffered by Donovan above). The prosecution listed 5 separate stories that Matthews had told police including blaming her parents.

The jury retired to consider its verdict. After deliberating all the defences arguments, the jury felt that Matthews and Donovan were lying pikeys and convicted them of false imprisonment, kidnap and perverting the course of justice. Allegedly they also asked that the defending lawyers for Donovan and Matthews be charged for wasting the courts time with such a pathetic tissue of lies as a defence.

More lying pikeys? Who would have thought it!