The British Military Open Encyclopedia - ARRSE-Pedia. Back to British Army Rumour Service Home

Difference between revisions of "Santa Claus"

From ARRSEpedia
Jump to: navigation, search
(santa the paedo!)
(further tidy ... ok, its a problem I have!)
 
(3 intermediate revisions by 2 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
'Santa Claus' is a fat [[German]] man long sought by authorities in connection to many thousands of late night break-ins, during which he is alleged to have '[[Michael Jackson|observed children whilst sleeping]]' before leaving his notorious and somewhat ambiguous calling card: a gaily coloured curved 'rod' made of candy.  
+
{| border=1 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2 style="width:130px; float:right; border-collapse:collapse; margin:0 0 .5em 1em;"
 +
|-
 +
| colspan=2 align=center | http://blog.wired.com/underwire/images/2007/11/15/santa.jpg
 +
|-
 +
! colspan=2 bgcolor=red | <font color = white>BEARDED CNUT/CHILD ON LAP SHOCKER in todays Sun</font>
 +
|}
  
Bizarrely in this age of BEWARE THE STRANGER, during December parents take their children to large department stores and quite enthusiastically hand their children over to a fat bloke, smelling of stale [[alcohol]] in an obvious disguise who sits the child on his knee and asks them personal questions! FFS, bad parenting or what?
+
'Santa Claus' (AKA Saint Nicolas AKA Kris Kringle AKA Father Christmas) is a fat [[German]] man long sought by authorities in connection to many millions of late night break-ins, during which he is alleged to have '[[Michael Jackson|observed children whilst sleeping]]' before leaving his notorious and somewhat ambiguous calling card: a gaily coloured curved 'rod' made of candy.
  
Santa also made an appearance in the movie "[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785/ Home Alone]" starring Oprah. "Santa" is an anagram of "Satan". Coincidence? I think not!
+
Bizarrely in this age of BEWARE THE STRANGER, during December parents take their children to large department stores and quite enthusiastically hand them over to a fat bloke, smelling of stale [[alcohol]] in an obvious disguise who sits the child on his knee and asks them personal questions! FFS, bad parenting or what?  
  
Not for nothing does a well known song about this obvious paedo 'Santa' character includes the lines  
+
Not for nothing does a well known song about this obvious paedo 'Santa' character include the lines  
  
*''you better watch out, You better not cry.'' - an obvious threat.
+
*''"you better watch out, You better not cry."'' - an obvious threat followed by a demand not to make any noise (possibly after being stuffed into a [[The Matthews Family|divan drawer]]).
  
*'''He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!'' - obviously stalking children with a threat of implicit violence.
+
*''"He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"'' - obviously stalking children with a threat of implicit violence/assault.
 +
 
 +
Reputed to only come ''once a year'' which points to clear sexual frustration issues so making this man unsuitable to visit children. Dont get me started on his bulging sack!
 +
 
 +
Santa also made an appearance in the movie "[http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099785/ Home Alone]" starring Oprah. And finally "Santa" is an anagram of "Satan". Coincidence? I think not!
  
 
[[category: Culture]]
 
[[category: Culture]]

Latest revision as of 18:42, 22 April 2008

santa.jpg
BEARDED CNUT/CHILD ON LAP SHOCKER in todays Sun

'Santa Claus' (AKA Saint Nicolas AKA Kris Kringle AKA Father Christmas) is a fat German man long sought by authorities in connection to many millions of late night break-ins, during which he is alleged to have 'observed children whilst sleeping' before leaving his notorious and somewhat ambiguous calling card: a gaily coloured curved 'rod' made of candy.

Bizarrely in this age of BEWARE THE STRANGER, during December parents take their children to large department stores and quite enthusiastically hand them over to a fat bloke, smelling of stale alcohol in an obvious disguise who sits the child on his knee and asks them personal questions! FFS, bad parenting or what?

Not for nothing does a well known song about this obvious paedo 'Santa' character include the lines

  • "you better watch out, You better not cry." - an obvious threat followed by a demand not to make any noise (possibly after being stuffed into a divan drawer).
  • "He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!" - obviously stalking children with a threat of implicit violence/assault.

Reputed to only come once a year which points to clear sexual frustration issues so making this man unsuitable to visit children. Dont get me started on his bulging sack!

Santa also made an appearance in the movie "Home Alone" starring Oprah. And finally "Santa" is an anagram of "Satan". Coincidence? I think not!