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Piers Morgan

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One of the judges of Britains Got Talent and a former editor of The Daily Mirror - a gutter press publication that he was in the process of running into the ground before he chose to publish faked photos taken by some TA eejits in the back of a Four Tonner, purporting to show an Iraqi getting a shoeing. He was sacked for this - and quite rightly so - not that this has made him feel any remorse. On Desert Island Discs he claimed that even if those particular pictures were faked, the QLR was probably beating up innocent Iraqis so it was alright to publish the fakes and he was shabbily treated by all involved.

Morgan is top of the list of many fantasy genocide lists with good cause. This was the kid at school who was always dropping you in it and then who laughed silently through the window as your arse was being beaten to mince by the head of the Latin Department. [I'm totally convinced this cnut went to my school]

Morgan, as the then editor of the Daily Mirror, published allegedly compromising pictures of Saint Jeremy Clarkson with a woman who wasn't his wife. Jez took such offence that at the 2004 British Press Awards he punched Morgan in the head. Morgan claims he still has a scar from a ring Jeremy was wearing. Good drills that man!

Of consequence, Morgan possesses one of those faces you would never tire of punching repeatedly. If there's a Z List celebrity party going down, rest assured that this twat will worm his way on to the guest list - and then have his picture taken with every mong nonentity present for publication in whatever squalid rag he happens to be working for. I seriously hope someone rims his Martini when he hops off for a piss, and then laughs themselves silly as the clueless cnut complains his drinky smells of six month old Dairylea.

Opinions on Morgan

Even famous people don't like him very much, as evidenced by Mock The Week's "If This Is The Answer, What Is The Question?" segment:

  • 3.5 Billion. Andy Parsons: Is it "If Piers Morgan got murdered, how many potential suspects will there be?"
  • Around 24,000. Ed Byrne: How many times could I punch Piers Morgan in the face before it could stop being fun and I continued to do it in a sense of duty?

Stephen Fry once described the murder of Piers Morgan as countryside, although it's not entirely clear that was how he meant it to be spelt.