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Difference between revisions of "Medieval"

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Your lord allegedly also had a thing called ''Droit de Seigneur'' (the right of the lord) which meant he could boff your virgin daughter if he fancied a bit. Not many virgins around during this period - a bit like [[Liverpool]].
 
Your lord allegedly also had a thing called ''Droit de Seigneur'' (the right of the lord) which meant he could boff your virgin daughter if he fancied a bit. Not many virgins around during this period - a bit like [[Liverpool]].
  
During this period [[Jews]] were persecuted [''No change there then?''], [[Muslims]] and Christians fought [[The Crusades]] and [[Religious_wars|Jihad]]. The rulers of the European nations were [[New Labour|corrupt megalomaniacs]] who fought wars on a whim and were out for personal enrichment and their legacies. The people thus suffered mightily though taxes, plagues and poor government. Some things never change!
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During this period [[Jews]] were persecuted [''No change there then?'' ... ''Jews are ALWAYS persecuted!''], [[Muslims]] and Christians fought [[The Crusades]] and [[Religious_wars|Jihad]]. The rulers of the European nations were [[New Labour|corrupt megalomaniacs]] who fought wars on a whim and were out for personal enrichment and their legacies. The people thus suffered mightily though taxes, plagues and poor government. Some things never change!
  
The nailsest of the nailsest during this time was the knight. Forerunner of the Chally 2, this was a man wrapped in plate steel, mounted on a semi-insane herbivore, given a large stick with a spike on the end and sent (''en masse'') screaming into groups of prototype squaddies with the aim of proving their body armour sucked. This lasted till the proto-squaddies started using the L1A1 [[Longbow]] (a device for archery, not the [[helicopter]]) to render a shoeing to the knights while they were still 200 yards away. Six hundred years later, still not much has changed.  
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The nailsest of the nailsest during this time was the knight. Forerunner of the Chally 2, this was a man wrapped in plate steel, mounted on a semi-insane herbivore, given a large stick with a spike on the end and sent (''en masse'') screaming into groups of prototype squaddies with the aim of proving their body armour sucked. This lasted till the proto-squaddies started using the L1A1 [[Longbow]] (a device for archery, not the [[helicopter]]) to render a shoeing to the knights while they were still 200 yards away. Six hundred years later, still not much has changed.
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Religious Schisms took off in great number during this time resulting in the horrible persecution of all manner of innoffensive and well meaning (but obviously simple in the head) people by the Holy Church of Rome. [[Religious wars]] were a growth industry. Its amazing that christianity survived ... although all flavours of christians could get together to shoe the odd [[muslim]] or two.
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Plague depopulated vast parts of the medieval world. This was caused by [[NHS]] cleaners not washing their hands properly ... or mibi a Goose caught a cold and sneezed on a peasant who was a bit poorly. Other theories include Fleas from Oriental [[Rat]]s passing on something nasty. No matter what caused it, its estimated that 1/4 of England's population died of plague in the 14th century. 
  
 
Will add more later.
 
Will add more later.
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FB adds: - also known for folk being quite horrid to each other at times, often with pointy bits of metal or hot branding irons. This has led to "medieval" being used as a verbal shorthand for overly-violent, as heard in the film ''Pulp Fiction'' by Quentin Taranteatime (shall I be motherfucker?) when the Ving Rhames character is heard to suggest that he will get some of his focus group facilitators to "... get medieval on yo' ass!". One suggests this means they would resort to some unpleasantness as opposed to dance in a courtly manner to Greensleeves.
 
FB adds: - also known for folk being quite horrid to each other at times, often with pointy bits of metal or hot branding irons. This has led to "medieval" being used as a verbal shorthand for overly-violent, as heard in the film ''Pulp Fiction'' by Quentin Taranteatime (shall I be motherfucker?) when the Ving Rhames character is heard to suggest that he will get some of his focus group facilitators to "... get medieval on yo' ass!". One suggests this means they would resort to some unpleasantness as opposed to dance in a courtly manner to Greensleeves.
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It should be noted that Morris Dancing is fairly medieval in both senses of the word!
  
 
[[category: dictionary]]
 
[[category: dictionary]]
 
[[category: dates]]
 
[[category: dates]]

Revision as of 19:47, 28 February 2007

Period of time that fits in between the very late Roman period (when the whole of Europe - except a few hairy, uncouth bits - was civilized and threw Christians to the Lions) and the Renaissance - the rediscovery of all the stuff that had been lost when the Vikings stole or burned it down. Let's call it 800AD till 1400AD.

During this time the feudal system was created. Here you had a liege (lord) who taxed your ass but promised to protect you from anyone else who might try to tax your ass. Someone bigger and tougher was his lord to whom he paid part of your taxes and so on up to the King (who in theory was the baddest ass). Think pyramid selling with violence and major intimidation OR even as protection money.

Your lord allegedly also had a thing called Droit de Seigneur (the right of the lord) which meant he could boff your virgin daughter if he fancied a bit. Not many virgins around during this period - a bit like Liverpool.

During this period Jews were persecuted [No change there then? ... Jews are ALWAYS persecuted!], Muslims and Christians fought The Crusades and Jihad. The rulers of the European nations were corrupt megalomaniacs who fought wars on a whim and were out for personal enrichment and their legacies. The people thus suffered mightily though taxes, plagues and poor government. Some things never change!

The nailsest of the nailsest during this time was the knight. Forerunner of the Chally 2, this was a man wrapped in plate steel, mounted on a semi-insane herbivore, given a large stick with a spike on the end and sent (en masse) screaming into groups of prototype squaddies with the aim of proving their body armour sucked. This lasted till the proto-squaddies started using the L1A1 Longbow (a device for archery, not the helicopter) to render a shoeing to the knights while they were still 200 yards away. Six hundred years later, still not much has changed.

Religious Schisms took off in great number during this time resulting in the horrible persecution of all manner of innoffensive and well meaning (but obviously simple in the head) people by the Holy Church of Rome. Religious wars were a growth industry. Its amazing that christianity survived ... although all flavours of christians could get together to shoe the odd muslim or two.

Plague depopulated vast parts of the medieval world. This was caused by NHS cleaners not washing their hands properly ... or mibi a Goose caught a cold and sneezed on a peasant who was a bit poorly. Other theories include Fleas from Oriental Rats passing on something nasty. No matter what caused it, its estimated that 1/4 of England's population died of plague in the 14th century.

Will add more later.

_____________________________________________________________________

FB adds: - also known for folk being quite horrid to each other at times, often with pointy bits of metal or hot branding irons. This has led to "medieval" being used as a verbal shorthand for overly-violent, as heard in the film Pulp Fiction by Quentin Taranteatime (shall I be motherfucker?) when the Ving Rhames character is heard to suggest that he will get some of his focus group facilitators to "... get medieval on yo' ass!". One suggests this means they would resort to some unpleasantness as opposed to dance in a courtly manner to Greensleeves.

It should be noted that Morris Dancing is fairly medieval in both senses of the word!