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Little Jack Horner

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  Just out of interest, how do you think paedophiles meet other paedophiles on the internet? Do you suppose the probation service puts them in touch?

I cannot pretend to understand his motives, but I know that LJH has persistently dangled some aspects of his sexuality in front of Arrse's membership in several different ways and a number of people were disturbed by him, even before it was discovered that he was a convicted sex offender.

You're welcome to your opinions, but I guarantee that your motivation is going to be questioned if you continue to defend LJH.

LJH - Pedophile
LJH reaches tenderly for his next shag...notice the well practiced hand.

Who He?

Little Jack Horner is a perennial fixture on ARRSE. Although always regarded as a 'creepy grooming cunt' (and with good reason) things hit a new low towards the back end (arfff!) of 2005 when the following events took place. But first, a bit of edumacations...


LJH likes 'em young.

Pedophilia is a disorder thought of as where the subject is sexually turned on by extremely young children (i.e. aged 3 to 13 years old), but most of the people busted for pedophilia are busted as a first offense for going after 13-15 years old (in the bizarre belief that somehow this is more acceptable), whereas the ones going after under 13 usually get away with it for a long time until they start to 'baby fuck'. Our eponymous hero Little Jack Horner is just such a one.

In England and its colonies, where the main language isn't some tortured foreign lingo, pedophiles are known as "pædophiles". "Pædophiles" successfully avoid capture, year after year, due to the difficulty of spelling this word correctly on legal paper work. Because it's so hard to spell, pediatricians in the UK are regularly mistaken as pedophiles and attacked by angry mobs; see this story for more proof (if required) of your average civvies complete lack of mental prowess.

In His Own Words - a Trisha Moment

  In 1993 I left the army with a wife, two step children, and one child of our own. Sometime near the end of 1994, my step-son (then about 11) saw me masturbating to a porn video,late one night. His mother and I talked about it, and it was left at that until early 1998. By that time, we'd separated and she decided she wanted a divorce. The matter of what happened was at THAT time reported to the police and I was arrested, interviewed and eventually charged. My legal advice at the time was very clear that the only way to defend myself would be to get the child (by now about 14) into court as a witness against his mother, so I pleaded guilty to an act of gross indecency in front of a child while the case was still in Magistrates court.

Please note that this unbelievable statement was posted on Christmas Day. Just dwell on that fact alone for a moment...

Having realised that he had done something really rather silly, LJH tried to get Good CO to pull any and all threads concerning his proclivities. This is the email he sent:

  My transparent attempt to sidetrack my past has backfired, my story holds less water than the Belgrano and I look a bigger cnut than I did before.

If you don't remove the thread, I will write 'bum' on a wall and runaway

I am on the phone to blondebint plotting your downfall

On a grooming note, if you have any teenage boys that need a w@nking lesson my mobile number is attached

Amazingly no-one cared about LJH at this point - after all, he had coughed his foul and despicable secret at a bezzering session so why should anyone really lift a baseball bat finger now?

Team ARRSE Respond

LJH - Filthy Cunting Pervert
LJH's choice of lavatorial entertainment. When he isn't buggering his kids, that is.

Unsurprisingly, the response from the carefree travellers over on ARRSE was as understated as we have come to expect. Most ARRSErs were content with LJH's explantion of events as the following demonstrative snippets from this thread will testify.

  • 'Sniveling excuse for a fella. Die in a fire on the morning of your birthday.' (MDN)
  • 'Look you are a nonce jack take a gun for a long walk in the woods.' (Greengrass)
  • 'Someone break out the mess baseball bat, a Webley round would be a waste of money.' (Aunty Stella)
  • 'I don't think any judge in the land would consider that a grown man sat w*nking in a chair whilst facing the living room door, shouting at the top of his voice "Hurry up Jimmy, the Simpsons are on!" was unfortunate.' (Bickies)
  • 'The fecker (LJH) IMHO is a nonce and is lucky to have gotten only a few week custodial and a 7 year required to register. Anyone who abuses (sexually or otherwise) children has no right to breath another breath and should be shot on sight. Better yet beaten to a bloody pulp by a picth fork armed mob and as they are gasping their last breath set ablaze. Pedos are a waste of skin and lower then whale dung. His uphill gardening tendencies seem to be great and not just with the very young'uns considering his previous run in with another male member of this board while he,LJH ,posed as a female. Failing all that he is dim-witted for having not faught the charges in court, and is deserving of the ridicule he has brought upon himself by making this information public. Best course of action, IMHO, is do the honourable thing and top yourself LJH. Hell has a spot for dim-wits and kiddie fiddlers, either way you should fit right in.' (ctauch)
  • '...the only thing for certain in this whole torrid tale is that all the details come from a convicted sex offender.' (Awol posting possibly the most depressing post in the whole affair)

Flash's Joke!

LJH to Girlfriend: Where are you going?

GF: Im off, I'm leaving you

LJH: Why?

GF: Ive heard youre a fucking paedophile, you grotty cunt

LJH:Oooooeeeerrrr, thats a big word for a ten year old!

Yes I know it's old - but still jolly good.

Current Whereabouts?

He's around. And apparently quite respectable these days. Not for long, though...

Little Jack Horner
is part of a series on
Child Abuse.