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Lieutenant Colonel

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Revision as of 18:06, 1 June 2005 by (talk) (Fixed link to Padre)
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The rank that allows one to turn seriously odd if you were not that way inclined before. Coincidentally, this rank is achieved at roughly the average age for a mid-life crisis.

Now you can indulge your wildest ideas about Regimental codpieces, nude swimming with the chaps, enforced baptism, stable belts with pullovers and founding your own Scout Troop. Fortunately, (see mid-life crisis) the Army in its wisdom issues Units with a Padre and a Regimental Medical Officer who can allegedly react to such behaviour.

Almost Lt Col's are rich and upper class, own 3 horses, 2 ponies, 1 Labrador, a Range Rover and have a daughter called Lucinda. Lt Col's spend most of their working day smoking opium, shaving their genitals and watching porn films. Their favourite porn film being Bung Hole Busters.

The remainder are LE Lt Cols, who are usually grizzled and scary, with an awful lot of blackmail stories about the Brigade Commander when he was a subaltern.