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Modern Day

What any half decent arse-licker should strive to attain. The origins of becoming a Knight are enshrined in the mists of time. If the mental image you have of a Knight is some stout-hearted merrie yeoman being mayde a knighte of the realme for grayte service to Hif Majefty then you'll be somewhat deflated to learn that these days knighthoods are blatantly flogged off for simply swelling the coffers of the political party incumbent - in particular Neu Arbeit.

Knighthoods come in two distinct sizes: Knight Bachelor and knight of a specific Order of Chivalry. The senior grades of which entitle the member of the order to call himself 'Sir' - that's 'Sir' as in Lancelot, not as in 'It wasn't me sir, it was Higgins that left the turd in your desk!' A Knight Bachelor doesn't mean the knight is unmarried, but rather his knighthood is independent of any order. He does get to wear a nice medal-type-thing and an invite to tea & cakes at the big house.

Holders of the MBE, OBE and CBE are not knights of the Order of the British Empire and are not 'Sirs'. They are, however, 'Sirs' when your standing in front of them in your GMS during an Interview Without Coffee. Don't try telling them that they're not really a 'Sir' as this will only deepen the hole you're standing in.


In days gone by when it was possible to find a virgin (and promptly hand her over to either a dragon or a wicked step uncle without Health and Safety or five hundred Social Workers getting involved), a knight (the person holding the Knighthood) was the warrior elite of the Western nations.

Wrapped in enough metal to build a Scimitar tank, mounted on an insane herbivore and much given to a 'death or victory' mentality, the knight pretty much ruled the battlefield until the invention of the gat. There were some embarrassing shoeings for these loons (Agincourt, Battle of the Golden Spurs and The Battle of Hattin) but mostly they just rode over the peasants to honourably battle each other.

In reality the knight was just another wheel in the cog that was the feudal system. He had lands and peasants and could do what the fcuk he liked on/with them... but he was still answerable to someone above him - be it a baron (a real one that is, not one like this), a duke or even a king. Think middle manager here - with all the excesses you see from those tossers - and increase it tenfold (with the right to kill people and shag their daughters).