What follows is an abridged, cringe-inducing extract from the dialogue that occured on the chatroom. It's clearly obvious, that McAuley - who was '2nd man on the balcony' [Aren't they all?] - was after one thing and one thing only. The 'worst stuff' has been omitted and spelling and grammatical errors have been retained. Enjoy:
Jim Mc Auley 1:20pm Mar 24th
Hi Jenny im in the british army parachute regiment, we have not met but hope that we can be friends jim
Jenny Glibert 1:29pm Mar 24th
Wow, how long have you been in the army then and are you still in?
Jim Mc Auley 2:39pm Mar 24th
i was in the territorial army thats the same as you national guard for 15 years i have been out now for 6 years, but i am an instructor in the army cadets ( a youth organisation run along the same lines as the military)
Jenny Glibert 3:57pm Mar 25th
Hi sorry I did not repliy so soon. so what is it like in the parachute regiment did you have to fight in wars?
Jim Mc Auley 3:58pm Mar 25th
yes iwas in the gulf and afghanistan and i did a few tours of nothern ireland jim
Jenny Glibert 3:59pm Mar 25th
wow did you have to parachute in? it must have been scary
Jim Mc Auley 4:01pm Mar 25th
no we went in with helicopters and yes it was scary at times but you have to do your job
Jenny Glibert 4:04pm Mar 25th
when was you in the afganistan? was that worse than iraq. I hear northern ireland was not very nice as well.
Jim Mc Auley 4:06pm Mar 25th
i was in helmund province in afghan yes it was worse i lost a few friends there do you have msn or yahoo?
Jenny Glibert 4:09pm Mar 25th
No sorry but will have to set one up later. Do you have any pictures of you there. Im doing a project about soldiers and war for a degree, would love to know more. I have seen much about the parachute regiment and the SASS have you ever been with them? they all sound very cool.
Jim Mc Auley 4:15pm Mar 25th
what is your email addy and i will send you some pics from afghan. I did a spell with the boys in black but really cant say to much
Jenny Glibert 4:23pm Mar 25th
wow. is that you jumping from the plane. that looks cool how hight was you Thanks. I will have to send some of me back. lol
Jim Mc Auley 4:28pm Mar 25th
yes it is me jumping one of the jumps was 22,000 feet are you sending me some pics of you
Jenny Glibert 4:30pm Mar 25th
yes im getting some ready . Do you still do that sort of thing in the cadets? what type of cadets do you train. is like our officer cadets at west point?
Jim Mc Auley 4:32pm Mar 25th
i am a sgt/major with the cadets yes they are the same as you west point cadets and i train them in close recce and fieldcraft and fighting in build up areas.
Jenny Glibert 4:35pm Mar 25th
That sounds like its good stuff to learn do you have to train them how to jump from planes like you? Im visiting the UK next month we should hook up, would love to watch you jump, where are you from?
Jim Mc Auley 4:38pm Mar 25th
i live in the north of england near manchester and liverpool i do the ground training then i take them to brize norton an airfield in the south the R.A.F. then do the rest of the training but i jump with them what part of the uk are you coming to
Jenny Glibert 4:40pm Mar 25th
I start in London for a week then I have three months to do what I want. we should hook up I would love to do that. Manchester and liverpool sounds fun the beatles was from there? whats the name of the cadet accadamy that you train your men? do you take women I would love to jump from a plane what would I have to do?
Jim Mc Auley 4:45pm Mar 25th
yes that would be great i could show you round jenny will you send me some pics of you.The academy will not let you stay there but you can stay at my house if you want how many people are coming over with you or are you just coming over by yourself. yes we take women you would have to do lot of training with me lol i will see what i can do to let you do a practice jump are you sending me some pics of you
Jenny Glibert 4:48pm Mar 25th
Wow thanks jim I would love to. im on my own so you will have to be gentle with me.lol Do you have a postal address so I can make sure my folks at home know where I will be when in your area. im going to get a UK cell phone when I get to Britan,so if i could get a contact number so I can contact you when I get there that would be great. I have to meet my uncle in London first for a week, but will be free after that I have always wanted to drink a pint of english beer in a pub. lol How high would we be if you can get me a parachute jump?
Jim Mc Auley 4:53pm Mar 25th
i am always gentle with a sexy lady my postal address is *********** ******** chorley lancashire england my cell phone number is ************* i might be able to arrange a tandem jump and if i can it will be around 20,000 feet but you will have to be naked with me when we jump (only kidding) send me a pic of you (the sexier the pic the harder i will try to get you that jump)
I know you cant say a lot about your time with the special forces but what can you say. Or what can I do to get you to tell me more. lol I would never use your real name on my project you could give my a name that you want to be know as. 4:13 PM
you could call me soldier exy c*** lol 4:14 PM i will tell you about my time with the special forces when we meet then i will think of omethink you could do to make me tell u 4:15 PM
I could not pput that I would get in trouble lol 4:15 P Im sure I could but could not tell me a little for project as it has to be in before I leave for the UK 4:16 PM
please 4:16 PM
not on email sorry jenny email is not secure comms 4:17 PM
what If I ask a few questions and you just yes no answeres. Like was you good in the special forces. 4:18 PM
for 3 years 4:19 PM go on ask 4:19 PM
did have to wear that sexy black stuff and swing through windows 4:19 PM
yes 4:20 PM
have ever rescude people in it 4:20 PM
go on 4:22 PM
you have such an amazing life jim what was it like 4:22 P
a lot of fear at times but you just get on with the job 4:23 PM
Sorry did you ever get to recscue people wearing the black kit4:23 PM
once 4:23 PM a lot of fun at tmes 4:24 PM
what did you have to do 4:24 PM
a lot of sadness when i lost mate 4:24 PM cant say on email sorry 4:24 PM
Ok jim. I did some research on the iranian seige was the one. It looked very cool on the pictures 4:26 PM
yes 4:26 PM
so you must be one of the sexy men in black I was looing at in the pictures 4:27 PM
yes 4:27 PM
OMG 4:27 PM
front window 4:27 PM balconey 4:27 PM
was you one of the first in4:28 PM
no 2nd 4:28 PM
what was going through your mind at that time 4:28 PM
s*** i should be in the pub having a pint of bear lol 4:28 PM
did get the bad guys in that one 4:29 PM
1 4:29 PM do i get a sexy pic for beeing a sexy guy in black lol 4:30 PM
Oh very much yes, you must have lots of bravery awards that you cant show because of you time in the special forces 4:30 PM
no medals for brit special force 4:31 PM
why is that 4:31 PM
because brits special forces dont need medals we know what we did that is enough 4:32 PM very few medals awarded to special forces here 4:33 PM very few medals for bravery awarded in the brit forces because we are expected to just do our job and not look for reward 4:34 PM
that sounds cool, did you fly on to the bacony from a chopper 4:35 PM
i was with 2nd battalion parachute regiment in the falklands war 4:35 PM no onto roof rapel down 4:35 PM
wow I have heard of that one as well, what was your job there 4:36 PM
i was only a young private at the time but it made me grow up 4:36 PM lost my best mate there 4:37 PM
what happand 4:37 PM
So just to recap for my project jim You have served as a paratrooper and special forces operative You were in the Falklands war, the first and second gulf war, Afghanistan war, sierra Leone war, 2nd man to enter the Iranian building rescue. You have done over 6000 parachute jumps. Have killed at least 100 men (please correct my if I'm wrong) and lost how many friends? 5:20 PM Have I missed anything please let me know what I should call you 5:21 PM I wont use your real name 5:21 PM
10 close mates 25 other friends 5:21 PM
ok did i get the kills ok 5:22 PM
ok call sgt/maj x ray 5:22 PM kills yes 5:22 PM
what you have killed 100 men or over that number 5:23 PM
that would be about right 5:23 PM
you must have a lot of nightmeres 5:23 PM
sometimes yes i do 5:24 PM
did I miss any wars out. and could I say you did undercover work in the special forces 5:24 PM
yes u can say that 5:26 PM
wow thanks jim. was it like the 007 spy stuff 5:26 PM
Jim yes a little bit 5:28 PM got to go now 5:28 PM
My friends wont belive that I have met a real life spy this is so cool jim 5:28 PM
need to get this paper work done or i will be in trouble 5:28 Pm
talk again soon looking forward to your picture with you stood to attention 5:29 PM
what time will you be on later 5:29 PM
not sure I need to write this up so will be on again soon 5:29 PM
i will be on about 5 your time ok 5:30 PM
ok so I get the hot pic then? 5:30 PM
yes ok 5:31 PM what will you do to yourelf looking at it 5:31 PM
I will let you know but I will be wearing very little when you send it 5:32 PM
woo hoo will you have aweb cam 5:32 PM
I dont have one yet but will try later. I will have to just take a pic of what im doing when you send it hun 5:33 PM
I will get a web cam on my way home 5:33 PM but it will not work on yahoo so you will have to get a hotmail account and msn messenger 5:34 PM then i can cum for u live 5:34 PM
sounds fab jim. You will have to send my that pic first to get me wet first hun 5:35 PM
ok 5:35 PM
By this point it was clear what was going on, and thus the trap was sprung - and in fine style. What was going through Gentleman Jim's turnip at this very point we can only imagine, but I bet he wasn't sat in front of his PC with a stiffy and a furry glove.
Date: Sat, 5 Apr 2008 08:34:01 +0000
Good morning, it seems that you do not wish to join the website & club that you were invited to join as of yesterday. That is of no little surprise though, you have never been a member of the British Airborne Forces have you?
You have placed a picture on Facebook of a member of The Parachute Regiment, leading the many females you converse with to believe that it is you, when in fact it is a picture of a very good friend of mine.
You have been in conversation with a lady on facebook & during those conversations you have told her of the following:
1 That you were a member of a TA Parachute Battalion for 15 years.
3 That you were in the first Gulf War & that you "took out" 2 enemy machine gun emplacements.
5 That you were involved in the rescue of captured Irish Rangers in Sierra Leone.
6 That you have done a couple of tours of N. Ireland.
7 That you have carried out undercover work.
8 That you have killed over 100 men during the above actions.
We who have been involved in a lot of those actions listed above take a very dim view of people like yourself who try to live of the glory of these actions, especially given that we have lost many good comrades who were involved in them. In one of your conversations you mention that your best mate Thomas Mechan (R.I.P.) was killed at Goose Green. Tam Meechan was once a Soldier in MY Platoon, you can guess how dim a view I am now taking of you.
Your conversations with the 'young lady' on Facebook telling her of all the above actions and how you watch female cadets are all saved on five members' PCs. Those conversations chronicle your desire to receive photos of her. That is just one lady; we see there are many ladies you have as "friends" in your Facebook contacts.
At first, when the photos (the ones I have attached) & transcript of your conversations on Facebook with the lady appeared on our site, you were deemed as a rather sad individual, then there was a lot of laughter; this then turned to anger as your ridiculous claims infolded.
In a couple of the photos you appear in No.2 Uniform wearing American parachute wings & two medals. Did you earn them or buy them on ebay or a market stall somewhere? Foreign wings are not worn on British No.2 dress, and it is also an offence to wear medals that you have not been awarded.
Once it became apparent that you also claim to be a Cadet Force instructor, our members & myself realised that if this was indeed true that we have a duty to inform the relevant authorities of that fine organisation of what kind of a man they have in their ranks, & the parents of those Cadets also have the right to know.
Your details are as follows: Mr Jim McAuley a CSM of the Lancashire ACF.
I think under the circumstances that you should do the following:
- Remove yourself from Faceboook immediately.
- Resign from the Cadet Force immediately.
- Destroy the No 2 uniform you take such delight in wearing along with the medals & American wings.
- Tell your two Lifeguard imposter friends to stop dressing up in their ridiculous uniforms [This is open to conjecture, as they may possibly be genuine.]
This email has been distributed to the following;
- Regimental HQ The Parachute Regiment.
- The SAS Association.
- The Lifeguards Association.
- All British Airborne websites.
- The Lancashire Cadet Force.
- The ARRSE website
I will expect to receive an email from you by 19:00 hrs Tue 8 April 2008 that you have complied with the above demands. If not a copy of the email will also be distributed to all National newspapers & your hometown of Chorley's newspaper.
It is our experience that people such as yourself (we term them as Walter Mittys), once caught out, tend to lay low for a while then surface somewhere els. We will be watching. Of that have no doubt.
One of the 'ladies' you were conversing with, detailing your fabricated war experiences to, was not a lady at all, but a member of our website. You - a Walter Mitty - were caught out by another one, how ironic is that?
Yet again, a walt gets outed. The sad thing is that McAuley had creditable service in the TA - albeit as a Slop Jockey. And yet again, had McAuley bothered to read Walting With Confidence, he could've avoided the inevitable... possibly. More pepper?