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Glasgow crawl

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On an overcast Saturday afternoon in Jockland a small but perfectly formed group of arrsers congregated in the hotel bar for a few light beverages before descending on the city at large. Although there were a few that had been in residence since the Friday. A few people did quickly move to get changed, the speed of which this was done did leave Linemanloz and Booboo questioning their choice of smellies. But all soon returned ready to move, Tigerbaby seem to still have a Stella attached to her, and Auld-Yin and Fish-Head were sporting lovely ARRSE T-Shirts!! A few phones were called to those that needed them! A result of which Hitlerwasabitnaughty made a guest appearance, which considering it was his crawl was nice so up most respect to him for that journey!

The first main move was from the hotel to the counting house, some decided to walk this mighty distance while others decided that they would to take the train, so after the 30 second journey from Charing cross to queen street and a quick bimble, more G&Ts were ordered and everything was right with the world! The group was joined by Aerosexual. And a after a short stop in a Irish bar, straight after Celtic beat Kilmarnock (hmmm bad choice maybe) we move to our next location, at this point Sluice_dweller had started to look a bit like she may be feeling the effects and having a fight with Liz the nurse over who got the next McD's star, although it may have just been a ploy to get Fishy to touch their breasts! It was also necessary to point and laugh at the likes of IrishDoris for having to stand outside to enjoy their death sticks; it is nice thought to wake up not stinking of second hand smoke!

After a while it was time to move on, via a quick snack stop at the McDonalds, maybe the girls wanted more starts! And the whole experience was bit new for Booboo who had not part taken of the delights of the Chav fine dining before. Fuel up and ready to go we were on our way to Jumpin' Jak's! Well apart from the few that had to slope off! tut tut! The group now well and truly merry residence was taken up in the corner, well apart from Loz and Fish who couldn’t to resist the of the dance floor! After a knock back by loz and an attempt to be hitched up with some chaps sister Fish turned his attention to Lynxy. Anything after that is a bit classified and only know by those with DV (Developed Vertebrae) :)

As usual,the_matelot was the last Arrser standing. But only because my bloody flight was the last to leave!

Nursey did one of the finest mong impressions ever trying to get into the hotel lift upon checking in.

IrishDoris got stormy in one of the pubs and smashed the_matelot glass onto the ground. the_matelot then proceeded to show the ensembled mass how to swab a deck properly. Fishy tried to do it but failed. Miserably. Bloody plastic matelots! the_matelot and fishy soon found out that they both know so many of the same people that it scared them both. Fishy threatened to sing some sea shanties and to ring the_matelot old boss at silly o clock in the morning whilst shiters. Booboo looked terrified for the first hour or so. But soon made up for it in the_matelot's eyes by requesting him to send her 'Call the Hands' to her phone. A lass who knows a quality ring-tone when she hears one. Sluice_dweller holds the UK record for the amount of gold stars earned in mcdonalds. Ever. Respect.

tigerbaby - Now that's just not true, I did not have a stella on me at all times!... At a point I was drinking G & Ts. The fact is you're just annoyed because yet again I outdrank you, not a hard thing to do I admit :D As for the stella I had the next day... umm... well there was this bar you see, and it was sunny, and the_matelot asked what I wanted to drink and it just came naturally to order a cold beer, not my fault everyone else stuck to fresh orange, coke, tea and coffee!

Sluice_dweller Cracking time, I think! Its all Fishy's fault for making me drink stella in the middle of the afternoon!! So pointless asking me to fill in the gaps!!

IrishDoris- I was one of those few who had arrived on the Friday night. Due to an excellent Wifi (pronounced Wiffy for those in the know - as opposed to posh matelots) connection I was able to give a sit-rep to the rest of the arrsers as to the condition of the hotel, rooms, beds etc etc.

The next day Sluice_dweller arrived but too early to book into her hotel room. So she monged in my room in the mean-time whilst we took advantage of the fact that I had one of the few smoking rooms in the hotel. The next to make an appearance was Fish-Head who forced us to drink lots of wife-beater before everyone else arrived. The room then started to fill up rightly as lots of other arrsers crowded into it. We decided to reconvene in the Hotel Bar where we proceeded to ring all of the lightweights who hadn't bothered their arrse to come. A plethora of feeble excuses was presented as we continued to disrupt Operations in different countries.

When we eventually made it to the first bar, utilising various different modes of transport, we were greeted by Aerosexual and Breech Creature. After a few bevvies were consumed in there, we stumbled into the next bar. As this was of the Irish variety, I was of course able to demonstrate my marvellous drunken oirish singing. Unfortunately whilst giving a rendition complete with hand gestures, I managed to 'nudge' the_matelot's pint out of his hand. Then we fought as to who was going to clean it up. He won as he wanted to show us all how to 'swab' properly.

When the time came for the floodgates to open after all of that beer, I went in search of a local convenience. This ended up with me being locked in a cellar, screaming to be let out!!! Honest guv, i followed the signs. It was a trap i tell ye!!

As i had neglected to have enough to eat that day, I'm afraid alot of the evening is a bit of a blur. I remember going to jumping jacks, but i don't remember getting back to the hotel.

I am also most disappointed that i didn't get any McDonalds Stars!!!!

Liz the nurse - I have only two things to say on the whole matter. Strawberry milkshake. Shoe thiefs. Dont ever come to my country again. Barstewards.

Sluice_dweller - Liz you licked anymore windows recently?

Please feel to fill in gaps.