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Ed Balls

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Revision as of 10:57, 15 May 2010 by Rabid Hams (talk | contribs)
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Would you trust your child to this man?

Edward Michael 'Ed' Balls (born 25 February 1967) is Labour MP for the West Yorkshire constituency of Normanton and is thus one of the Labour MPs who shat their pants when Northern Rock went tits up.

A Brownite (now somewhat lost as his mentor has fecked off), he believes in the big lie, micro management and ignoring the real issues - with a heavy dose of contempt for the electorate. This man, if left to his own devices, would turn the UK into 1970's East Germany but without the sporting success.

He's actually a self-hating member of the British upper middle class. Privately educated in Nottingham, after which he went to Oxford University, he founded a drinking club called the 'Keble College Steamers' as a sort of pathetic imitation of the Bullingdon, Assassins or Piers Gaveston societies.

From June 2007 till May 2010, Eddie baby was Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families and is thus the arch enemy of MDN. He was convicted of driving without due care and attention in early 2010. His oversight? Answering his mobi while driving his car with his children asleep in the back. If he cares this little about his own children, you can guess he didnt give a flying fuck about yours.

He's (conveniently) married to Yvette Cooper MP, the Chief Secretary to the Treasury. So any t-shirts you want to print saying 'Yvette Cooper kisses Balls' can be accurate in several senses.

During the expenses scandal in the House of Commons, he and his wife tried via court injunction to hide that they

  • 'flipped homes' 3 times in 2 years,
  • claim £600 each month in food,
  • had their expenses docked, after each submitted two monthly claims for mortgage interest of nearly £1,300 when their mortgage statements showed the interest-only element of their mortgage standing at £733.

Almost suffered a Portillo Moment (where a ministers 'safe' seat is lost like wot 'appened to Mr Portillo) in that he went from a 9000+ majority down to an 1100 majority at the election 2010. He is loathed in his constituency where he seemed quite happy to insult his constituents (effectively calling one a liar) as he begged for their vote.

He does exactly what it says on his tin... talks balls but has a brother who seems quite sensible.