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The Dictionary - A one stop shop for Soldier speak
Note: Link entries to wiki page if one exists.
- Aeroplane Blonde. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
- Air Biscuit. A quiet, yet horribly smelly fart.
- Air Buffet. Similar to an air bicuit, but more substantial so that it may be returned to.
- Arse Bandit. A homosexual - See uphill gardiner.
- Aussie Kiss. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.
- Badly Packed Kebab. A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia. See kebab, badly stuffed.
- Bone - Something rubbish or pointless.
- Battle Bowler. The issue combat helmet.
- Badge, The. Regimental Sergeant Major.
- Banjo String. The little piece of skin that joins the head of the penis to the shaft. Particularly painfull and bloody if you break it on a "Gomper".
- Beer Coat. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a drinks in the Mess at 3 in the morning.
- Brown Wings. Earned once an individual has indulged in botty sex.
- Bomb Up. To load a rifle magazine.
- Basher. Temporary shelter, can be used to describe your bedroom.
- Blanket Stacker. A storeman, this is how they prefer to be described.
- Blind lesbian in a fish factory, to sweat like a. To perspire freely.
- Bog wog. A person originating in the Emerald Toilet.
- Bum desease. The result of too much uphill gardening or time in the Royal Navy.
- Crab. Members of the Royal Air Force.
- Crab Air. The Royal Air Force.
- Clowns Pocket. A way to describe a womans privates i.e. "I tell you mate, i got lost down there. She had a fanny like a clowns pocket".
- CO. Commanding Officer.
- Camp Bike. A lady who has been ridden by most of the camp.
- Cunnilingus. Eating sushi off the barbers shop floor
- Drop Shorts. The Royal Artillery. You cant miss them, they're all deaf.
- Donkey Walloper. A member of the Cav.
- Double Bass. A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
- Dump Fuel. To go for a piss.
- Etch-A-Sketch. Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
- Four Tonner. Army truck.
- Full Screw. A Corporal.
- Field, in the. To be on exercise.
- FISH and CHIPS. Fighting in someone's house and causing havoc in people's streets.
- FIWAF. Fighting in Woods and Forrests / Fighting Indians with a Fish.
- Flogging On. Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.
- Floppy. Opinions differ, but most likely originating from "Fucking Lazy Offerseas Person". Less than effective military machine normally of caribbean or arabic descent. AKA non-swimmer.
- FuckShitFuckShitFuckShit. The sound made when driving armour through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.
- Gomper. Ugly woman, usually found on the arm of a drunken squaddie.
- Gat. Rifle.
- Green Slime. The Intelligence Corps. A contradiction in terms.
- Gwa. An unfortunate inflicted with red hair, to be avoided, or retrospectively aborted. (stands for Ginger With Attitude).
- Hand-to-Gland Combat. A vigorous masturbation session.
- Horizontal Time Accelerator. Sleeping Bag.
- Jack. To be selfish or unfair to your mates.
- Kebab, Badly Stuffed. Term to describe the look of a womans private parts.
- Lanny. Landrover.
- Lance Jack. Lance Coporal.
- Lizard. Sleeping Bag / Lazy person.
- Maggot. A Sleeping Bag.
- Mark F. Way to describe a fat womans dress i.e "Look at the size of her, her dress is a mark F" (One up from a marquee).
- Monkey. The Royal Military Police.
- Monkey Bath. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".
- Millennium Domes. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fcuk-all in there worth seeing.
- Munter. Ugly Woman. See Gomper.
- NIG. Term for someone new. Originally thought to come from the term "New In Germany".
- Nappa. Head.
- OMO. Brand of washing powder. Box placed in the window of the married quarter to indicate that the husband is away i.e OMO - "Old Man Out".
- Oxygen Thief. Someone who doesnt deserve the air they breath. Usually over weight or useless.
- Otters Pocket. The oposite of Clowns Pocket.
- Ops O. Operations Officer.
- OBUA. Operations in Built up Areas. (Formerly FIBUA).
- Picasso Arse. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks. Found behind the counter of most Naafi`s.
- Porridge Cannon. Penis.
- QA- owners of the largest arrses in Her Majesty's Army.
- Rodney. Officer.
- Rupert. Officer.
- Rug Muncher. Lesbian.
- Ron Hills. Rediculous running trousers that make anyones arse look fat. Usually worn by army wives along with white stilethos and a berghaus fleece. Lovely.
- Squaddie. Affectionate term for the British Soldier.
- Scaley. Nick Name for members of the The Royal Signals.
- Slop Jocky. Unaffectionate term for an Army Chef.
- Shiny Arse. A Clerk. The arse of their trousers are made shiney by spending their life sitting behind a desk.
- Stripy Suntan. You get one of these when you're sent to jail.
- Scratcher. Sleeping bag.
- Spuds. Testicles.
- Sprog. Child or someone who hasnt been in the army that long.
- Starfish Trooper. A homosexual - See uphill gardiner.
- Semen Demon. See above
- Speckles. Vile and unhygienic sport practised by Royal Marines. Involves one contestant laying a huge, sloppy, Eartha Kitt on a coffee table and all other contestants squatting down with their noses at table level. A pint pot is then smashed down on the Eartha, and the one with the least sh*t on his Fizzog wins. Or was it the other way round? I don't know, and I don't want to know. Also see "Soggy Biscuit".
- Tab. Forced march, usually carrying a great deal of equipment on your back.
- Tabs. Cigarettes.
- Tara, The. Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM), used mainly within Scottish Regiments. Origin unknown.
- Tart Fuel. Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch/WKD, regularly consumed by young women.
- Titanic. A lady who goes down first time out.
- Twisties. Elasticated ties used to fold up and secure the bottom of your trousers. Also known as Twisters.
- Uphill Gardener. A homosexual.
- Vagina Decliner. A homosexual see Uphill gardener.
- Wank sock. A handy sock concealed under the bed to mop up mess after a wank. Never washed.
- Wank SÃ©ance. During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that you're being watched with disgust by your dead relatives.
- WRAC. The now defunct Womans Royal Army Corps, or Weekly Ration of Army Cnut. Whichever you prefer. To me it was always something filled with wine and screwed against a wall.
- Wizards Sleeve. A way of describing a womans privates. The sleeve is more pronounced on a woman who has had a few sprogs.
- Wah. Verbal response to a bone question asked by a superior. Bone questions asked by juniors are dealt with differently.
- Womb broom. see lamb cannon, mutton musket, beef repeater, paste gun, one eyed custard chucker, blue veined hooligan, pig skin bus, Bloodstick
- X-Piles. Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
- Yomp. See tab.