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Close Protection

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Qualified CP

The art of looking nails in the face of extreme danger. CP operatives are highly-trained and exceptionally motivated individuals who's sole purpose is to make everyone feel uncomfortable and nervous.

The RMP CP course is run at the Defence Police College at Southwick Park, Portsmouth. It is an arduous 28 day course which consists of the following:

  • Rolling out of high speed vehicles
  • Driving through cardboard boxes
  • Running across rooftops
  • Shooting stuff up
  • Drinking large amounts of whiskey
  • Shagging ropey landladies

Course candidates are encouraged to grow their hair and enormous sideys, though moustaches are obligatory and not mandatory.

CP trainees can often be seen training around the environs of Hampshire, pulling Js and handbrake turns in old Cortinas, Grenadas and the odd Jag. CP operatives invariably smell of stale fags and booze and have dress sense that is questionable - vital attributes that enable them to blend in to society in Third World operational theatres such as Leeds. To the initiated, beige slip-ons are the give away.

They also get to wear a fancy badge on their 1s and 2s. Under no circumstances are the words 'Command' and 'Post' to be associated with this badge upon inquiry as to what it's for, as you will be unceremoniously nicked... you slag! Or shot. Or both.

Extremely attractive to those with the Walt gene as can be seen with the sorry tale of Steve Hudson.

See also Organic_Sandbag.