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Baldricks Poems

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Baldricks Poems

These are the collected works of Private S. Baldrick.

The German Guns

Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom,

Boom, Boom, Boom,

Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom,

Boom, Boom, Boom

Untitled Second Poem

Hear the words I sing,

War's a horrid thing,

So I sing sing sing...ding-a-ling-a-ling.

Baldricks other contibutions to Culture

He is famous for his excellent impression of Charlie Chaplin, where by he places a slug underneath his nose. It has been mistaken for a slug balancing act by some, the fools.

[At this point it would be prudent to note that one of the people who thought he was in fact a slug balancer was of the rank of General, make of that what you will]

Baldrick was also an excellent cook. His creations included:

  • Rat au Van (a rat that's been run over by a van),
  • Filet mignon in sauce bearnaise (dog turds covered in glue),
  • Plum duff (a mole hill decorated in rabbit droppings),
  • Cream custard (cat's vomit), and
  • A sort of coffee which consists of hot mud, spit, dandruff and rather dubious 'chocolate sprinkles'.
  • Apple crumble which contains fish.
  • Rat Sauté, which involves:
    • taking the freshly shaved rat and marinading it in a puddle until it is drowned
    • stretching it out under a hot lighbulb
    • getting within dashing distance of a latrine
    • wolfing it down!
  • Rat fricassé, which is the same as above, but a slightly bigger rat