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Armed Forces Careers Office

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An AFCO - beware all ye who enter here!


An Armed Forces' Careers Office (or AFCO) is a place of great and powerful magic. For it is here that many a young persons' dreams have been perverted and subsumed into a greater lie - the need to meet recruiting figures for a shrinking Army.

Surviving the Experience

What is clear is that they prospective soldier must enter this magical place with a reasonable idea of what he/she wants from an Army career, else they will be sent to the nearest ghastly line Infantry battalion that needs manpower i.e. all of them. Stick to your guns - tell the recruiter, regardless of his/her rank etc what YOU want to do and make them send you there. They may use powerful Jedi mind tricks and claiming to be from that particular Regiment or Battalion themselves, and commonly trying to throw you into a craphat regiment saying the SAS are just infantry who wear black nasty so be on your guard. At the end of the day, the recruiters do not give a shit about you and your intended career as they only want to make the numbers up.

Tests and Suchlike

They will make you take a BARB test in the lair, which you would be well advised to perform well in. If you don't, you may find your aspirations to fly Apache are cast away in favour of washing other soldiers' underwear in the MBLU. PROTIP: the answer to all the questions is 'A' - don't be bamboozled by any trickery during the test or get the impression that there may be another answer. The Army doesn't need free-thinkers.

Creating the Right Impression

Remember that you are effectively going for a job interview, so make the effort to create that initial good impression. In nearly all cases you would be well advised to wear full CS95 with webbing and for extra 'high impact' take a weapon with you. Swords and keen blades will score very highly indeed and mark you out as a man to be watched. Closely. Probably from behind reinforced glass. Most applicants will enter the AFCO through a door, but those who really want to impress should study footage of the Iranian Embassy Seige for interesting Infil routes.

Attitude - Play Hard to Get!

Without a doubt, the most important component of your visit to the AFCO is your attitude. Remember - you are joining a macho organisation where strength is respected and intelligence is regarded as suspect and possibly suggestive of exploitative behaviours. If you are male, respond to all questions with a surly grunt of affirmation and don't forget to spit on the floor and the recruiter. As for females, you must break wind as loudly as possible, talk about how much you are looking forward to shagging all the DS and getting married as early as possible. There is no room in the modern Army for polite, well-brought up young ladies - you will all be treated as tramps and non-beings by virtually everyone anyway. Moustaches are encouraged.

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