Wolverhampton

It was safe to assume that KFC was shut

My God! Where do you start with Wolverhampton? I suppose Wolverhampton's primary asset is its location, i.e. within easy reach of the M6. That makes it comparatively easy to get the fuck out of - and you'll want to. Wolverhampton makes Walsall look like Marseille. Twinned with Grozny. Best avoided.