White Flag

Vive La France

A white flag can be any white or indeed light coloured material. It is normally waved or flown to indicate a willingness to parley or to surrender to an military aggressor. There's not much point waving a white flag at a ned/chav on the street if you want him to stop kicking you.

Underpants make a good white flag although if you have been under heavy attack for a while ... these may not be white any more and should not be used.

It is the 'other' national flag of France.

Several nations/groups should not be surrendered to so keep the white flags hidden.

• France: The French WILL surrender to you so just wait a minute. No matter how bad your situation, the white flags will pop up on the French side like mushrooms overnight.
• Japan: While we are all friends at the moment, the Japanese have a nasty history of lopping off the heads of surrendering westerners with white flags. Should not be trusted.
• Muslims: These F'ers will have your head and nads off and a video of it posted on the internet before your arms get tired from holding up the flag.
• Americans: These trigger happy loons will use your white flag as an aiming point so try to avoid unless you see they are accompanied by a CNN tv crew. If they are accompanied by a Fox News tv crew avoid even more!