The First Rule Of Combat

"Always remember the first rule of combat..."

There seems to be some confusion about what the first rule of combat is. Contenders include:

• Try to finish with the same number of holes in your body you started with.
• Never get separated from your kit (Stonker's Grandad swore by this: and he learned it from his Dad)
• Never eat yellow snow.
• Friendly Fire isn't.
• Admin your animals, your kit, then yourself.
• Never piss off a Gurkha.
• Never attack without at least a 3 to 1 superiority in numbers.
• If in doubt, brew up.
• Look after your feet.
• If the enemy have fruit and you have guns... it shouldn't be too hard a battle.
• Never deploy with 3 Para Mortar Platoon behind you.
• Never invade Russia in winter.
• Never invade Afghanistan - whatever the season.
• When 33 Alpha is about, Watch out!
• Combatants over 40 years of age must remember the vital three sub-rules : 1. Never pass up the chance of a leak; 2. Never waste an erection (even if you're on your own); 3. Never trust a fart.
• Remember that the MoD went to the lowest bidder for your weapons and ammunition.
• The Spam is not your friend ... no matter what Gordon says.

Feel free to add any more should you be inclined to do so.