The Battle of Trifle Valley
The Battle of trifle valley, is one steeped in tradition and myth.
Trifle Valley is a beautful place in the Hundreds and Thousands Peninsular of Mongolia.
It is so called because this is where the trifle was discovered. The trifle was a traditional offering of the "Mongols" that inhabited the area, to their god, Mongulous.
Sir Runalfph PffPhinnes, a world famous explorer, discovered Trifle valley and its inhabitants in 1864, as part of his "Mincing Monkeys" expedition.
Upon first discovery, he observed the ritual where a huge "Trifle" is placed upon a giant palm leaf, and left for the Mongolian god as an offering to bring a good harvest of "Spider Monkey Milk" one of the main ingredients but also used as a "marital lubricant", much sought after.
The recipe was passed onto the explorer who vowed never to reveal its secret list of ingredients.
Upon returning to good old blighty he promptly blabbed all, to the the Gordon Ramsay of the time who adapted the original recipe of;
Two palmfuls of Spider Monkey Milk One elephant scrotum full of tiny goat phlegm Three bowls of Chimpanzee nose flakes The skin of five sun dried giant lava slugs
This double cross enraged the Mongols and they sent their best warrior over to England to correct the wrong doing. The warrior "Umptembe the long", found Sir Runalfph in his swanky penthouse apartment and promptly set about his demise. The end wasn't pleasent for the double crossing traveller he had his left nipple removed, throat cut and his bones taken out and burnt in a cleansing ceremony.
This was seen as an act of war and the government sent over a battalion of infantry to the newly christened Trifle Valley.
The battle started at 0606 on the 21st morning of june 1864 with British troops attempting to storm the top of the valley edge where the warriors were waiting for them. With insuficient inteligence (a rarety for the brass I know) the Brits tried and tried again to penetrate the line of the defending Mongols, but were loosing too many lives.
Realising that a new tactic was needed the Brits pulled from their packs, the issue chocolate bars and started eating them, the aroma from the confectionary drifted up the hill bringing down all the warriors, now weaponless, into the valley. The British troops seeing that the battle was over and that the once fearsome warriors were now free of any agressive tendancies, promptly put the chocolate away and shot all of the Mongols and won the battle.
The highest ranking army officer of the day Sir Rupert Chumley Nimrod Carruthers said "it was a stout and just victory for the troops involved keeping up the traditions of the finest army in the civilised world"
This suprisingly is not mentioned in any military history books or accounts, its like it never even happened.
One for the X files me thinks..... I will leave it up to you.
