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Poetry

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In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams wrote that the third-worst poets in the universe were Vogons, that the second worst poetry has caused instant death to those who've heard it read aloud, and that the first worst poetry was by 'someone' in the UK.

This 'someone' is almost certainly a devotee of ARRSE - nay a Grief Ghoul even - who cannot help but liberally stud their deathless prose i.e. snuffleposts with copied and/or highly derivative poetry, especially when responding to RIP threads.

The quality of poetry is inversely proportional to body fat i.e. as the writer/vomiter gets heavier fatter, the turgid outpourings become ever more saccharine and death-inducing until ARRSE is swallowed up in a vast flood of lipids.

[edit] A Specimen

I love to read the internet
and learn of squaddie deaths
it makes me start to moisten
and take short excited breaths

It makes me feel superior
to the average c0ck hunter
and helps me not remember
that I'm just a big, fat munter

So when I'm getting desperate
and need to masturbate
I can start off the process
by writing 'RIP Mate'