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Osama is an ugly cnut, so heres his niece, Wafah Dufour

Odd looking bearded Saudi geezer who dresses in white and would like to put an end to most western practices like; Drinking beer, clubbing, electoral democracy, Christmas, serial monogamy, women's rights, rock music, mini skirts, eating pork, sex (rumour has it he has a tiny willy!), Walt Disney, dogs, homo-sexuals, bacon, pornography, comedy, humour, breast implants, Winnie the Pooh, Israel and fun.

Osama is a spoilt little rich kid; Daddy Bin Laden owned a the largest construction company of the Middle East (for whatever that's worth). He was one of dozens of children fathered by his old man. This lead to an ever increasing craving for attention. Thus becoming a Saudi version of Paris Hilton. Since he was a wanky looking lad, becoming a B-type celebrity wouldn't work, he became religious instead. This not being enough he thought: "You know what I'll become a freedom fighter in the 'Stan and get my love and care from hairy mountain men. This worked, but when the Big Bad Soviet enemy ran off with their tail between their legs, the attention ended. Thus he started to attack the other baddies: The Spam's.

Originally funded and trained by the CIA to resist the Soviet Union invasion of Afghanistan, Osama has now assumed the mantle of "Saviour of Islam" and uses menial toady acolytes like Al-Zarqawi to cause havoc by proxy until they are offed by the precision application of HE.

Osama recently had his 50th birthday. I'm told the CIA sent him some cigars ... didn't work the last time but you never know your luck!

Despite the purported broadcasts of Osama on Al Jazeera TV he is most probably dead (the CIA have closed their department dedicated to finding him). This is a shame as he would have probably gone down well on "I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here!" or "Love Island". Whatever his fate his down home appeal to the Muslim in the street ( whether it be Cairo or Bradford ) lives on.

Scary huh???

[edit] Osama Jokes

But...time for a joke. Every morning in his cave Osama Bin Laden gets out of bed and goes over to his magic mirror before going down to breakfast. He always asks it the same question.

"Magic Mirror on the wall...Who's the looniest of them all?" and the mirror always replies;

"You are Osama!"

One morning he wanders down to the kitchen to make his breakfast. "What's up boss?" enquires a minion. "You look a bit glum today". Osama sits down to eat his bacon sarnie, strokes his beard thoughtfully and asks; "Abdul? Who the fcuk is Wayne Rooney?"