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Large, hot, dusty country to the south of the US populated by 20 billion swarthy Latinos - 19 billion of which are washing dishes in the nearest Taco Bell to the border. Forget the movies, Mexico is a third world shit tip. In fact, remember the movies, as you're as likely to have Mad Miguel La Bastardo filling your miserable white tourist arse with premium grain lead as you are to in Croxteth on a Friday night out.

The women, however, are beautiful... until the age of forty-five when they instantly balloon to 18st. munters with hairy faces. They are also invariably Catholics, so you're about as likely to get laid down Mexico way as you are in D Wing of Strangeways. E Wing, however, is a different story.

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