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BBC

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Auntie

British Broadcasting Corporation

Or Bliar's Bullshit Conveyor (you can obviously replace Blair with Brown!)

Either way, always the first on top of any news, anywhere, anytime. Once a beacon of sensibility in an otherwise mad world, 'Aunty Beeb' delivered the news in a clipped, brylcreemed, dinner-suited and quintessentially English way. Now hideously politicised by Neu Arbeit and its Leftie cohorts, and staffed by war heroes and liberators like John Simpson and (formerly) Martin Bell.

These typically like to journey to the most dangerous, smelly places on the planet and then whinge to the MoD when the Army doesn't turn up to save them from the natives with the sharp fruit. They occasionally get slotted, whereupon there is much hand-wringing and inquests as to how the tragedy happened. For happening tragedies read foreign policy... or rather lack of.

The BBC was extremely surprised (the only people who were) and took it quite hard when they were told they are a biased, liberal bunch of pinkos. Read the story here. Of course they did F all about it and if anything the Beeb is even more in the pocket of the leftie liberals now than then and so further out of step with the Brit in the street.

As it all goes tits up economically speaking the BBC is desperate for scoops. Sucking up to labour has become blatant with ministerial interviews turning into party political broadcasts. Worse still ... with BBC Business reporter Robert Peston blatantly leaking secret briefs from No 10 which promptly crashes the market, once great Auntie is now nothing more than a publicly funded (with menaces) labour party mouthpiece for whatever kneejerk reaction Brown has today.

[edit] New Website

Recently the BBC has decided that it must change its website from an easily-readable, sensibly-organised one into a 16 year old girl's myspace page. It gives no reason for the change other than 'The website hasn't changed for four years, it needed a lick of paint.' Due to their epic failure the beta website looks like it was designed by Apple in association with a gay pride parade.

The website now has the following 2.ohfuck features:

Overuse of the colour purple.
Less content but more blank space between things.
ALLCAPS.
Size 18 text.
Overuse of rounded corners. Squared off corners are sooooooo 1-point-ohfuuuuukkkkkk.
A fucking stupid analogue clock that distracts you when you already have a clock in your task bar (digital clocks are soooo 1-point-ohshit and not nearly hi technicaaaaal enough).
Customisable layout that you'll have to go though five minutes setting up again every time you clean your cookies so you don't get London's news and weather on the page fucking the place up.
Clashing links that change colour to draw your interest to other links that may interest you when you click one. This doesn't actually work though as a load of sport headlines try to draw attention to themselves if you click on a link to a comedy program.

All this is probably really impressive if you live in Kensington, own an i-phone, drink your own piss and include your Aga as a family member when filling in your census forms.