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Lieutenant Colonel
From ARRSEpedia
The rank that allows one to turn seriously odd if you were not that way inclined before. Coincidentally, this rank is achieved at roughly the average age for a mid-life crisis.
Now you can indulge your wildest ideas about regimental codpieces, nude swimming with the chaps, enforced baptism, stable belts with pullovers and founding your own Scout Troop. Fortunately, (see mid-life crisis) the Army in its wisdom issues units with a Padre and a Regimental Medical Officer who can allegedly react to such behaviour.
Almost all Lieutenant Colonels are rich and upper class, own three horses, two ponies, a Labrador, a Range Rover and have a daughter called Lucinda. Lieutenant Colonels spend most of their working day smoking opium, shaving their genitals and watching porn films. Their favourite porn film being Bung Hole Busters.
The remainder are LE Lt Cols, who are usually grizzled and scary, with an awful lot of blackmail stories about the Brigade Commander when he was a subaltern.
| Officers: Second Lieutenant | Lieutenant | Captain | Major | Lieutenant Colonel | Colonel | Brigadier | Major General | Lieutenant General | General | Field Marshal |
| Non-commissioned: Private | Lance Corporal | Corporal | Sergeant | Staff Sergeant | Warrant Officer Class 2 | Warrant Officer Class 1 |
