Johnny Foreigner

From ARRSEpedia

By far the most unnerving aspect of Johnny Foreigner (or JF) is the fact that he or she is seldom called Johnny. It is more likely to be Pierre, Hans, Diego, Maria, Abdul or Ivan. JF never plays with a straight bat and in some cases is married to his cousin by prior parental arrangement.

Americans, Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis and the Irish are not JFs. They're just a little odd. South Africans are borderline - not helped by their gene pool being riddled with Dutch poison. Also, no matter how annoying or unwilling they are to cheer on Ingerlund in the footie, the Scots and the Welsh are not JFs either. JFs have no discernible sense of humour or fair play and tend to gesticulate with their hands when talking.

JFs' national anthems tend to be over-long, complicated and totally unmemorable. The exception to this being Germany whose national anthem was written by an Austrian bloke called Hayden. Very nice tune, pity about the words. JF music is also proper shit.

The armed forces of JF are on the whole mincing, posturing nancy boys who wouldn't last ten minutes at Pirbright. Some of JFs' food is quite noshable though and some of them know how to make good grog. Also some of JFs' women are total foxes - but use a condom.

The greatest JF that ever lived was the Indian bloke who invented Tandoori Chicken. The rest of them are oxygen thieves.