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Jade Goody

From ARRSEpedia

You mean I is broke again? WAAAAH!

Porcine vituperous mong, and living proof that no matter how much paint, varnish or polish that one could possibly lavish upon a turd, at the day's closure it is still a turd - despite one's best efforts to disguise it otherwise.

Goody is quite phenomenal. Just how the evolutionary process has bypassed this individual is uncertain, but for such a pitiful creature to have enough brain capacity to actually breathe (and to remember to keep doing so to survive) is quite staggering. <Not so sure she was bypassed! Creatures evolve into niches in an eco-structure - Goody fits New Labour's dumbed down, yob society like a weasel fits inside his own fur!>

Even more staggering is that this moron has somehow managed to amass a fortune reputedly worth £8 million. Quite how a brain dead hairdresser from London who is so fucking ignorant of anything outside of 'her' exceptionally narrow awareness envelope managed this is unclear. What is clear, however, is that the fat lady has delivered her final encore and der partei ist most definitely kaput!

Goody made the fatal mistake of opening her mouth in the only way she knew how: loudly and ineloquently. Whilst such outpourings are commonplace around this sceptic isle on Friday & Saturday nights, what isn't commonplace is doing so in front of 6 million television viewers - and doing so to an individual of ethnic origin to boot. The ultimate taboo in Bliar's Britain.

The British don't hate success, but they do reserve a special disdain for successful idiots, and true to form, if you give these cnuts enough rope, they will inevitably string themselves up. Unfortunately for her, hippocrocogrillamus Goody's nastily knowing tirade was directed towards an extremely gracious and extremely fit Hindu - and whilst this seemed to have done the trick of undoing her fortune (especially as her perfume manufacturers were based in India), it was just a crying shame that the object of her ire wasn't a Muslim.

This would've been the perfect ending to the fairytale: the Wandsworth branch of Hezbollah torching the Goody gaff with the lovely Jade and her equally perfidious mother inside. I think they'd have done the nation a favour!

Goody was responsible for what was, quite possibly, Jeremy Clarkson's finest ever put down, when he described Goody as 'A racist, pig-faced, waste of blood and organs!' on the popular Top Gear programme - to rapturous applause. If JC says it, then any remaining benefit-of-the-doubt over the munter's trappily bigoted intentions sort of wither away.

She has also been referred to in the tabloid press as 'The Dim Reaper'.

While appearing on the Indian version of Big Brother (Big Boss) she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. After her plumbing was whipped out (thankfully NOT on tv) it was found that the cancer had spread into other areas .... of east london I assume.